Candice Does ChatRoulette: The Search for the Cat

Of course, you can imagine that an anonymous webcam chatting platform allows all the weirdos to come creeping out of the woodwork. After finding the picture of the cat (shown above) and laughing hysterically about it for days, I decided I needed to track down the feline who had brought so much laughter into my life. Here are my adventures into the scary world of Chatroulette.

Round One

I needed a stiff drink to get started. Actually, I needed several. After applying extra lipgloss and feeling pretty good about myself, I invited my friend Mike to join me. Our first entertainer was a pretty blonde lady wearing nothing but red lacy lingerie. My friend swooned while she rolled around on the bed like a stripper, legs-over-head and views from behind that would make a pornstar blush. Unfortunately for Mike, the red vixen was more interested in me. I resisted, and she hit F9.

We stayed up until 7 a.m talking with people. Several times, I had to remove Mike from the camera’s view because everyone just wanted to see a girl. Our other drunken friend, Steve, eventually wandered into the room dazed and confused after passing out on the toilet for an hour as he usually does. Him and Mike stood in the background with only their torsos visible while I looked on. I’m fairly certain Chatroulette was invented for people like this, young 20-something males who can find various suggestive things to do with their index fingers poking from their jeans’ zippers, in front of strangers.

Round Two

Ok, I figured this time I would try Chatroulette solo and sober. Turns out there is never really an appropriate time to be using the program.

I was so grateful when I found these lively disco dancers blaring techno music in the background. They were a little more interested in dancing than chatting.

Most often, however, I ran into guys who asked me to remove my shirt. The depth of this conversation is overwhelming.

Stranger: hey
You: hey
You: what’s up?
Stranger: nm hbu
You: just trying this chatroulette thing. i’m glad you’re not a penis.
Stranger: lol. any boobs?
You: nope, girls keep rejecting me.
Stranger: cn i c urs
You disconnected.

I later found a guy holding a sign saying: “Show your boobs to a French guy.” His face wasn’t visible, just the sign.

You: Why is your sign in English?
Your partner disconnected.

Nearly all the males I encountered were teenagers. These young lads took a more subtle, sincere approach.

Others carried swords.

Even better, some sported fantastic beards.

Conclusion

The New York Times suggests that 90 per cent of people using Chatroulette are looking for real, genuine connections. There were supposedly 20,000 people logged on while I was online, and within the span of an hour, I had sufficiently received my daily dose of penis imagery. In fact, I probably overdosed.

The only girls I encountered immediately hit “NEXT.” It felt a little insulting at first, like rejection. But then I decided, “Hey, for once in my life I have the power to reject someone!” And then browsed through the masses like a maniacal speed-dater, grinning all the while.

Against all odds, I did encounter two charming, handsome gentlemen who had wandered over here from a CNN article. Both were absolutely shocked to be face-to-face with a woman. They were also downright disturbed.

You: what’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen on here?
Stranger: ummmm…i saw a woman, riding her excercise bike that looked like she had hooked up some kinda dildo thing to it that as she peddled, it went up and down
Stranger: no kidding
Stranger: you can’t make that up

Alas, they were much too normal for my entertainment. NEXT!

Community Connection

Because it’s virtually impossible to weed out the pornographic material and other questionable displays, many people predict Chatroulette won’t be around for long. What do you think? Want to know more? Read about the future of Chatroulette.