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The 23 Funniest Texan Expressions (and How to Use Them)

Texas
by Turner Wright Mar 22, 2017

1.

Texans don’t say “Pepsi”, “Sprite”, “soda”, or “pop”… it’s all “Coke” to us.

2.

Texans don’t always say “f#$& you” to your face… they say “bless your heart.”

3.

Texans definitely don’t say “would you fine people like to join me?”… they say “ya’ll come here now.”

4.

Texans don’t call someone pretentious or foolish… they say he’s “all hat and no cattle.”

5.

Texans don’t say they’re experienced or qualified… they say “this ain’t my first rodeo.”

6.

Texans don’t say “well, this job needs to be finished”…they say “git r done!”

7.

Texans won’t say someone is dishonest… just that they “trust him as far as I can throw him.”

8.

Texans don’t say those wind farms are for power generation… rather, they’re just some fans we installed to fight the heat.

9.

Texans don’t always call it “The United States”… they say “that sketchy place outside Texas.”

10.

Texas do usually go to church before noon on Sunday… or what they like to call “the time we can’t buy beer.”

11.

Texans don’t call half an inch of snow a “light flurry”… they say “snowpocalypse 2017”

12.

Texans don’t say “wiretapping”… they would call it “the eyes of Texas are upon you.”

13.

Texans don’t guess or think… they “reckon.”

14.

Texans don’t call it “the death penalty”… they say “killing you back.”

15.

Texans don’t say “shut up and do as you’re told”… they would go for “time to paint your ass white and run with the antelope.”

16.

Texans won’t say “I get what you’re saying”… they’d say “I smell what you’re stepping in.”

17.

Texans have many expressions for perseverance… “come hell or high water,” we’ll get it done.

18.

Texas won’t just call you ugly… they’ll call you “uglier than sin,” but maybe not to your face.

19.

Texans wouldn’t call someone unsophisticated… they would say he just “fell off the turnip truck.”

20.

Texans don’t say their friends are “nervous”… they do say they’re “sweating like a whore in church.”

21.

Texans won’t call some information “reliable” or “trustworthy”… rather, it will be something “you can hang your hat on.”

22.

Texans don’t say their dogs are skittish… just that they “wouldn’t bite a biscuit.”

23.

Southerners can keep their potatoes. Texans won’t just call you “dumb”… they’ll call you “dumber than a box of rocks.”

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