20 Reasons You Should NEVER Take Your Kids to Bloomington, MN

1. Making a weekend out of rides, slides, and rafts at the biggest indoor water park in America…

…will only spoil your kids with the lack of sunblock they’ll have to smother on while they’re there.

2. If you take the kids to the Småland playground in IKEA…

…the free supervision will balance out the purchases you make, and you’ll consider it an excuse just to buy more.

3. Taking your kids to snowboard the slopes at Hyland Ski and Snowboard Area…

…will bring out the Shaun White in them and have them dreaming of being in the next X Games (and it certainly doesn’t help that the Summer X Games are coming to Minneapolis). Way too dangerous. You wouldn’t want that, right?

4. Experiencing the NWA History Centre with your kids will only fuel their passion for all things aviation…

…and you know it’s much safer to teach your children to keep their feet planted firmly on the ground at all times.

5. With room to run around the ornamental gardens, spot koi in ponds, and peek under the Taiko-Bashi Bridge at Normandale Japanese Gardens…

…your kids may start to dream of faraway lands, and you wouldn’t want to encourage their wanderlust.

6. Unless you want another Frank Lloyd Wright in the world…

…keep your kids far away from the architectural creativity that The Lego Store will inspire.

7. Visiting a park actually called Chutes and Ladders, complete with tunnel chute slides ranging from four to 50 feet?

Tell your kids to “spin again,” because after a day of sliding at Hyland Play Area, their own local park will seem about as exciting as watching paint dry.

8. You’ll hate taking all that time to explain to your children why the fruit isn’t frozen, in bags, or canned…

…when you visit the Bloomington Farmers Market.

9. Going to the family-fun-inspired Minnesota Renaissance Festival in nearby Shakopee…

…with jousting, costumes, and court jesters reminiscent of the 16th century — it’s just asking for too many history questions.

10. Letting your kids scale the rock climbing walls at REI could challenge them to overcome their fears…

…and you wouldn’t want them thinking they could take on K2 someday.

11. We all know that going to a theme park means paying big money on parking and spending all morning taking shuttles just to get into the park.

So why on Earth would you take your kids to the free-parking, climate-controlled, rain-free Nickelodeon Universe at Mall of America?

12. The trip would be far too exciting if you took your children on a Light Rail adventure from Bloomington to Minneapolis.

Come on, it’s about the destination, not the journey, right?

13. What child likes to work on puzzles and fun, interactive challenges all day?

Save your kids the trouble and definitely don’t take them to The Works children’s museum — just let them watch TV instead.

14. Letting the kids experiment with creativity and technology simultaneously at the new Crayola Experience…

…would only result in them being bored with their computers at home. How are you going to keep them entertained?!

15. Having your kids experience the wonders of the SEA LIFE Aquarium…

…will make them believe they can touch every stingray they see and have them wondering if they can ride a “seahorse.” Silly, right?

16. Why take your kids to the expansive 70-mile Minnesota Valley National Wildlife Refuge to explore the wetlands searching for river otters, coyotes, and bald eagles…

…when they can just watch the videos on YouTube? So much easier.

17. If you don’t want your kids to get outlandish ideas about being able to fly…

…keep them away from the fun at FlyOver America. Next thing you know they’ll want to start traveling, too. Yikes.

18. Spending a day at Bush Lake Beach, one of Minnesota’s most popular beaches…

…will only leave sand everywhere after all the sand castles your kids will build.

19. Keep your kids away from the many interactive classes at Artistry…

…unless you want them to grow up and become artists (that’s just not practical).

20. Let’s face it, there are just too many kid-friendly activities in Bloomington, MN, to choose from…

…and who wants to make all those decisions anyway?