1. Any and all stories dealing with the Bell Witch.
What’s scarier than a 19th-century folklore about a half-dog-half-rabbit, ghost-on-human poisoning, Andrew Jackson, and a creepy damp cave dripping in witchcraft? Absolutely nothing. Think the Blair Witch was terrifying? Try living in the same area as the bitch who inspired her.
2. Being sucked into the clusterfuck vortex of furies, ribbon dancers, hula hoopers, and flower crowns while trying to survive the terror of Monteagle.
All the while, trying to do the math to figure out how the people who go to Bonnaroo can’t afford toothbrushes but seem to have the money to see Bassnectar 22 times in one year.