11 reasons you should never visit Ohio

EVER HEARD SOMEONE REFER TO OHIO as a flyover state? They’re totally right. You should never visit the Buckeye state. Here’s why:

1. The theme parks are just insanely boring.

Photo: Patrick McGarvey

Gotta love a quick ride on the Bat… did you know that when Top Gun opened in 1993, it was the last suspended coaster of its kind to be built? #arrowdynamics #legacyofarrow #suspendedcoaster #rollercoaster #thebat #awesome #cool #followme #kingsisland #kibestday #ki2015 #coasterexpeditioncrew

A video posted by Coaster Expedition Crew (@rollercoaster_expedition) on Jun 16, 2015 at 6:52am PDT

2. We’re going to ruin marching bands for you.

3. The variety of good beer is going to give you lifelong, crippling indecision.

Bringing a few friends to @clesummercamp on 8.2! Tickets at www.clesummercamp.com.

A photo posted by Great Lakes Brewing Company (@glbc_cleveland) on Jul 18, 2014 at 1:28pm PDT

Every Friday night we have $8 growler fills from 4pm to 9pm. Start your weekend off right with us at 1621 Moore St in OTR . #christianmoerlein #otr #thisisotr #moerlein #beer #brewery #drinklocal #cincinnati #cincy

A photo posted by Christian Moerlein Brewing Co. (@moerleinbeers) on Jan 23, 2015 at 5:00pm PST

4. You’re going to get confused about what real chili is.

It’s Skyline time!

A photo posted by Skyline Chili (@skyline_time) on Aug 4, 2013 at 12:22pm PDT

5. Your irony receptors will explode.

For #fbf allow me to tell you west coast folk the story of #bigbutterjesus. This hideous thing was located in one of those megachurches back home, right outside of Cincinnati. The locals loved to make fun of it, and it was also known as #touchdownjesus. In what is perhaps one of the better acts of irony ever recorded, it was STRUCK BY LIGHTNING and burned down to the ground.

A photo posted by Alex Mera (@zerochance09) on Sep 5, 2014 at 9:25pm PDT

6. There’s just no music scene to speak of.

#WTMintheUK

A photo posted by WALK THE MOON (@walkthemoonband) on May 23, 2015 at 2:24am PDT

@BunburyFestival // Cincinnati, Ohio // June 5th Hand printed on 150lb. White Exact Tag, 18×24″ 3 colors/screens: hot pink, electric blue, black Edition of 160 prints Artwork by @powerhousefactories // #TurnBlue

A photo posted by The Black Keys (@theblackkeys) on Jun 3, 2015 at 2:07pm PDT

#kidcudi

A photo posted by Kid Cudi ☁️ (@officialindicud) on Feb 1, 2015 at 8:49pm PST

The Parade the Circle puppets are bringing the boogie! Fireworks start at 8pm! #RockHall2015

A video posted by Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (@rockhall) on Apr 11, 2015 at 3:11pm PDT

7. Water sports aren’t your scene.

Hello #ohioriver

A photo posted by millerdave01 (@millerdave01) on Jun 13, 2015 at 2:44pm PDT

Living the good life👌 #ohio #kayak

A photo posted by Sarah Caywood (@sarahkwood14) on Jun 15, 2015 at 4:32pm PDT

8. The scenery is lame.

Some views you can only get from the water. #lakeerielove #kayaking #kayaklakeerie #putinbay #kayak #lakeerie #BeautifulOhio #gibraltarisland

A photo posted by Nathan (@krambman) on Jun 7, 2015 at 9:42am PDT

A little bit of an edit but west side #ohioscenery #ohio_portsmouth_pictures

A photo posted by Ohio Scenery (@ohio_portsmouth_pictures) on Jul 13, 2014 at 9:04am PDT

9. Ohioans don’t know how to throw a party.

Looks like one big crazy party

A photo posted by David Gifreda (@davidgifreda) on Sep 3, 2014 at 2:03pm PDT

#halloween #athensohio #ohiouniversity #ou #ouhalloween

A video posted by Mohammed AL-Eisani (@m7md_al3isani) on Oct 27, 2013 at 12:15am PDT

10. It’s just a wasteland for sports fans.

Ya’ll need to stop talkin smack abt #lebron he be doin all the work #cavsalldayerrday

A photo posted by @lorenzopapi1 on Jun 15, 2015 at 5:08pm PDT

#vontazeburfict #cincinnatibengals #linebacker #maddenmobile #nfl

A photo posted by 🇲🇳🇰 (@rinoporcinoditinonelnasino) on May 1, 2015 at 8:56am PDT

Since it’s Monday. #MCM #ColumbusCrew #HectorJimenez #Jimenez #16 #MLS #talentedandgorgeous

A photo posted by Selina (with an “i”) Garza (@anythingfor_selinas) on Jun 15, 2015 at 10:47am PDT

11. There’s no culture.

Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice… #UnionTerminal #Cincinnati #CincyUSA #CincinnatiUnionTerminal #CincinnatiMuseumCenter #Ohio #HallofJustice

A photo posted by Brian Ewing (@shaggynpt) on Jun 12, 2015 at 6:13pm PDT

Photo: Sam Howzit