Photo: Adam G

1. That “no shirt, no shoes” policy is for real.

Going from the beach to a restaurant or store now requires a wardrobe change.

2. People are always bringing up McLovin.

Ugh. Just. Ugh.

3. There are roads where the speed limit is more than 55mph.

On-ramps become major stressors, and merging is now your worst nightmare. And then you miss your exit because no one will let you through. After you fail to exit, someone will honk, ride your tail, and flip you the bird while cutting you off.

4. Concerns about smog are as serious as those about vog.

At least you knew vog was coming from Kilauea, but this? You have no idea what this crap is.

5. You have to translate your pidgin.

You find yourself giving language lessons on the meaning of words such as “shoots” and “mean” just so people can understand half of what you say.

6. You have to remember the names and numbers of highways and freeways.

Not to mention the oh-so-major differences between east and west, street and avenues. (They’ll get ya every time.)

7. You have to survive without a Kama’aina discount.

I mean, it’s like a student discount for life.

8. No stores carry spam musubi, loco mocos, Hawaiian Sun juices, or mochi.

Just some li hing mui powder and you could survive, but nope, can’t even find that in the ethnic section at the grocery store.

Clockwise from bottom left: (1) spam musubi — HawaiianBarbecue.com, (2) li hing powder — Wikimedia, (3) loco moco — HawaiianBarbecue.com, (4) mochi — Wikimedia

9. People wear sweatshirts and wetsuits to the beach.

How is it that the closer you get to water, the more miserable the beach day becomes? You have to layer up to enjoy the surf and sunshine?

10. All your questions end in “yeah?”

And everyone notices but you.

11. Your slippers have now become flip-flops and sandals.

It’s stupid, but you wear the warmest shoes and clothes you have once the temperature drops below 70 degrees anyways, so it’s not that big of a deal.

12. Having to explain which island you’re from, especially if it’s the Big Island, is a major hassle.

Because technically the name of the Big Island is the island of Hawaii, but you know they will probably get it wrong anyway. Every island is Honolulu.

13. No one believes you moved to the mainland by choice.

Yes, once people find out you’re from Hawaii, they will envy your very existence because they all know Hawaii is where it’s at.

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