14 Alternatives to Hyperloop, Elon Musk's Mysterious Transportation Device

1. Running fast through a series of tunnels

When a series of tunnels are built connecting every major destination on the globe, all you’ll have to do is run quickly through them! Or run through them moderately and speed them up in post-production.

2. Flame-powered bike

Get between destinations quickly on a bicycle with a scorched-earth policy.

3. Teleportation

The technology isn’t completely there, but once it is, just poof in front of dinner tables and look like you belong.

4. Turtle on a Roomba

Really solid mode of transportation if you’re a turtle.

5. Back of an 18-wheeler

This is not only fun, it’s free! And if you fall off, I guess it doesn’t really matter how long the journey was going to take you.

6. Sitting still

Just sit in one place and let Earth’s orbit do the rest.

7. Reverse-Pangaea

In what geologists have called “pulling a Reverse-Pangaea.” The reconfiguration of landmasses would make it possible to turn a transatlantic flight into a leisurely stroll.

8. Vertical hula hoop

The fastest method for getting to the Kombucha Depot on the other side of town.

9. Change of scenery

You were going to take the train home, but then just decided you’d rather skip it and just be at home.

10. Sea dragons

The fastest method for crossing the ocean. Bring some headphones, though; sea dragons always play the lamest tunes.

11. Bowling ball

Public transportation by bowling ball is great, but service is intermittent because of frequent strikes.

12. Spider-mobile

Finally, an opportunity to sit on a couch while riding a tandem bike that looks kind of like a spider through the parking lot of a prestigious tennis club!

13. Jet pack

An excellent way to travel — just make sure you calibrate it for the right hemisphere, or you’ll be shot through the center of the earth.

14. Pogo stick

Boing from Point A to Point Z to Point C to Point Y back to Point A before reaching your final destination at Point B!