Everyone always talks about electoral indecision as if it’s a bad thing. What those people don’t realize is this: no one panders to someone who has already made up their mind.
He’ll be super shitty when he leaves for someplace warmer, but then he won’t win all the championships he wanted and will come grovelling back to you in the exact way you always fantasized he would.
Seriously, investing all of your town’s money in a single manufacturing industry is not going to pay off in the long run. Trust us.
They’ll suddenly be much more interested in dropping in. Seriously though, could someone else take the Hall of Fame? We can’t get Bono to leave.
In 100 years, when Florida and New Jersey are underwater, our shorefront property values are going to be skyrocketing. Also, it’s way easier to waterski on smooth water.
Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton in 2013? Kinda sucked ass. Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton in 2014 after we dumped $115 million dollars on him? Kinda awesome.
Especially if the thing your neighbor is doing is owning slaves.
It’ll pay off, and the world will have you to thank for things like the light bulb, the airplane, and the first man on the moon.
Corn is always good. So long as you have enough toothpicks.
Ask the only president, William Howard Taft — one of Ohio’s eight — to also serve as a Supreme Court Justice. Taft much preferred the judgeship. He also preferred plus-size bathtubs (after getting stuck in the White House bathtub), thus paving the way for the modern jacuzzi. Again: You’re welcome, world.
Cincinnati chili is not, by many definitions, chili. Sure, it has meat and (sometimes) chili powder in it, but it could just as easily be defined as a bolognese or a ragu, and it isn’t really served like every other type of chili is served. But Cincinnatians insisted on calling it chili, and now Cincinnati chili is its own thing. Persistence pays.
Please. Our cities are more suburb than city, and we spend half of our goddamn lives sitting in interstate traffic jams. Just make the initial investment now and enjoy its benefits later.
In Ohio, if you get a DUI, you usually get the normal punishments — jail time, fines, loss of your license — but once you get your license back, you get bright yellow license plates with red lettering for a period of time. These scarlet letter plates (or “party plates” as they’ve come to be known) are really just a way of shaming you to everyone else on the road. What’s most surprising is how many you actually see out on the road.
It’s a path that leads only occasionally to happiness and frequently to heartbreak.
The Cuyahoga River was so polluted that it caught on fire on 13 separate occasions. Fortunately, the river has since undergone serious cleaning efforts, and it has since become less polluted. It hasn’t even caught on fire in 45 years. 