1. You can create a perfect balance between bratwurst and bun — aka Sheboygan hard roll with a double brat.
2. You can sing any Badger song on command without thinking about it.
3. Mifflin has given you the secret to chugging beer.
4. You actually look fabulous in cheesehead gear.
5. You are all-powerful and all-knowing when it comes to St. Paddy’s Day on Water Street.
6. Your old fashioneds are flawless — pour the brandy for 5 Mississippis, add one can of lemon-lime soda, one teaspoon of raw sugar, and one shot of bitters, top it off with two green olives.
7. You have the ability to arrive at a Brewer game with just enough tailgating time to fry up two dozen brats for the group, drink four beers, and get in three rounds of bags — all without getting too drunk to find your seat at Miller Park.
8. You’ve found a way to forgive Ryan Braun.
9. You can wake up before the sun rises and not have a problem, thanks to going to deer camp every year.
10. You can convince absolutely anyone to root for the Packers and Badgers.
11. You can nasalize any vowel.
12. You can concoct a way better maple syrup than anything you’d get in Canada, just from the trees in your backyard.
13. You always know which way is east. (Thanks, Lake Michigan.)
14. You can withstand wearing shorts and flip-flops in 35-degree weather.
15. You can beat anyone at Cornhole single-handed.
16. You can cure any hangover with a mac’n cheese brat and a bloody mary at the Drink Wisconsinbly Pub.
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