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18 Commandments of Living in Ohio

by Stephanie Vermillion Aug 12, 2016

1. Thou shalt never assume sports allegiances.

Just because you’re from Ohio doesn’t mean you’re a Bengals fan. And not all Ohioans love LeBron. Don’t automatically assume sports allegiances, because calling a Browns fan a Bengals fan (or vice-versa) is not okay.

2. Thou shalt drink local beer.

With Rhinegeist, Willoughby, Jackie O’s, and Great Lakes, you have more than enough options to drink locally – and we do.

3. Thou shalt never empty a store of Christmas Ale.

Speaking of Great Lakes, don’t be the jerk who buys dozens of cases of hard-to-get Christmas Ale right when it comes out. It goes fast; leave some of that magical elixir for the rest of us. Jeesh.

4. Thou shalt not fear roller coasters.

Cedar Point in Sandusky is the roller coaster capital of the world. Strap in, and suck it up.

5. Thou shalt not swim in the Ohio River.

Because brown water does not equal sanitary. Ever.

6. Thou shalt never doubt the birthplace of Aviation.

Try as you like, North Carolina, but we all really know where air travel got its start (cough, Dayton, Ohio, cough).

7. Thou shalt love Fireball.

It’s the only way to end an Ohio night out. If you hate it, plug your nose.

8. Thou shalt not assume Ohioans are backwards.

Ohioans don’t rush at the pace of East Coasters, but that doesn’t mean we’re behind. We have smartphones. We have startups. And guys, we’re NOT all farmers.

9. Thou shalt live for fall football.

High school football Friday, Buckeyes games Saturday, Bengals and Browns on Sunday. Off season at the Football Hall of Fame. Football is kind of a big deal in the O-H, so embrace it – or get out.

10. Thou shalt eat corn in the summer.

Nothing is better than Ohio corn in the summer, so butter up and dig in.

11. Thou shalt not call Ohio ‘Iowa.’

We get it. Ohio may be more of a flyover state, but dear God, people: We’re Ohio – not Iowa. Is it really that hard?

12. Thou shalt own a lakehouse.

Whether it’s Norris or St. Mary’s, lake houses are a must for summer. If you don’t own one, befriend someone who does. (It always worked for me!)

13. Thou shalt know thy neighbors.

This is the friendly, community-oriented Midwest, after all. We don’t run from small talk – we embrace it.

14. Thou shalt praise the coney.

While outsiders may think the brown chili “mush” on a bun is unappetizing, we Ohioans know the cheese coney is magical.

15. Thou shalt drink ‘pop,’ never ‘soda.’

And don’t try to appease both sides with ‘soda pop.’

16. Thou shalt partake in the Chicken Dance.

From skate parties to proms to weddings, this infamous dance is everywhere in Ohio – whether you like it or not.

17. Thou shalt despise the Stealers.

Whether you’re a Browns or Bengals fan, Ohio fans can all unite on one thing: an undying hatred for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

18. Thou shalt always be proud to call Ohio home.

While outsiders may think Ohioans don’t have electricity (even though global businesses like Procter & Gamble are based here?), true Ohioans ignore the haters and take pride in the one, the only, O-H-I-O.

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