1. You still can’t accept those San Ildefonso children singing euros instead of pesetas.
Eliminating so many syllables and not changing the melody is a mistake.
2. You know the Ghost of Christmas Past are those polvorones and peladillas whose expiration date you’re happy to ignore.
You suspect they might be older than you, but ignorance is bliss.
3. Or is it Ramontxu with his cape?
You watch the countdown on a different TV channel to feel more alternative, but you know it’s not the same.
4. You’re on Team Papá Noel or Team Reyes Magos.
Unless you belong to the third fortunate group – those people receiving gifts from all of them!
5. Every New Year’s Eve your life flashes before your eyes by the 10th grape.
Your mouth is full, a grape is already trying to go down the wrong pipe, and you know your relatives are too focused on their own survival to realize what’s happening. In the end, as usual, you’ll spit out the grapes and save your life.
6. And you don’t fully understand the quarter chimes part.
You keep getting nervous thinking you’ll start too late or too early.
7. You’re convinced the news stories about the caganer and seafood price are the same year after year.
Why send a reporter out to cover the news when you can just use last year’s footage?
8. No matter how hard you try, you never manage to pay attention to the King’s speech.
It’s automatic – the King starts talking, your mind goes on vacation.
9. And you think you’ll never get used to seeing Felipe there instead of Juan Carlos.
But you’ll keep watching year after year, expecting him to make the Internet explode by saying something fills him with pride and satisfaction.
10. You’ve suffered an indigestion caused by prawns.
It’s always their fault or the mayonnaise’s, never the wine’s, champagne’s or shots’ you accompanied the meal with.
11. You miss the bald man of the Lottery.
But you value the risky leap they took two years ago with Raphael and Montserrat Caballé (and thank the world for the existence of GIFs).
12. You’ve sat through more than one “Inocente, inocente” program.
And more than a few telethons hosted by Isabel Gemio or Emilio Aragón.
13. You know where the Famosa dolls go to.
Antena 3, of course.
14. You miss Martes y Trece.
Oh, the empanadilla.
15. You’ve considered dressing up as a Freixenet bubble for Carnival.
Your friends who love you talked you out of it.
16. You have a favorite turrón.
You either love or feel disgusted by turrón blando.
17. You think having to work on January 7 is cruel.
Why can’t you stay in and play with your new toys now that you’re an adult?
18. The New Year’s Concert and ski jumps are your New Year’s Hangover official sponsors.
Your parents found it funny to torture your ailing brain by turning up the volume of the music. The hypnotic nature of the jumps was just perfect for your state, though.
19. Your eyes well up to the sound of “vuelve… a casa vuelve…”.
Especially if you live abroad and can’t make it home for Christmas.
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