As long as there have been words, humans have been using those words to make other humans feel bad (probably). So it’s little wonder that the world has a lot of names to call people by. Admittedly most of them involve mothers, anatomy and mothers’ anatomy, but we’ve tried to skip the simply shocking and go right for the ridiculously rude. Here’s a sampling of some of the most creative insults from other cultures (warning: contains bad — and bizarre — language).
1. Chinese: “Ni muqin shi yi ge da wugui!“…or, “Your mother is a big turtle.” Because turtles aren’t monogamous, get it? Zing!
2. Spanish: “Me cago en la leche!“…”I sh*t in the milk.” Imagine a pitcher of milk in the middle of the breakfast table. Now imagine a Spaniard defecating in it. Yes.
3. Russian: “Perhot’ podzalupnaya“…you, sir, are “ass dandruff.” For which there is no shampoo, oh no.
4. Finnish: “Äitisi nai poroja!“…”Your mother married a reindeer!” File under “yo mamma.”
5. Yiddish: “Lign in drerd un bakn beygl!“…”May you lie in the ground and bake bagels.” If that sounds like a rather pleasant way to spend eternity, consider this: those are bagels you will never get to eat.
6. German: “Schattenparker“…”One who parks in the shade.” Because you’d have to be a total wimp to take precautions against the sun turning your vehicle into an unbearable radiating hell box, am I right?
7. Jamaican: “Bumbaclot”…literally, “ass wipe.” So how does the word manage to sound so darn cute?
8. Albanian: “Të qifsha të bardhët e syve!“…”F*ck your eye whites.” It’s the specificity you have to appreciate here.
9. Turkish: “Sana girsin keman yayi!“…”May the bow of a violin enter your anus.” Not a concert we’d wish to attend.
10. Persian: “Mee goozam rangesh kon!“…”Try to paint my fart,” or less literally, “f*ck off.” Unless, of course, you’re up for the challenge.
11. Japanese: “Hesomagari“…”Twisted belly button,” which means — obviously — that you are one sick puppy.
12. Gaelic: “Go n-ithe an cat thu, is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat!“…”May the cat eat you, and may the devil then eat the cat.” It’s not clear why the cat has to get involved here.
13. Dutch: “Volgescheten palingvel“…”Eel skin full of sh*t.” Wait, eels have skin?
14. Romanian: “Sufla-ţi-aş cu curul in lingură cand te arde ciorba la gura!“…”I can blow farts in your spoon when the soup is too hot for you.” Um, thanks?
15. Italian: “Caccati in mano e prenditi a schiaffi!“…”Take a dump in your hand and then slap yourself.” This requires quite some commitment from the insultee.
16. Hindi: “Chipkali ke gaand ke pasine“…”Sweat of a lizard’s ass.” And there you were, happily living your life, without once having thought of either a lizard’s sweat or its ass.
17. Afrikaans: “Ek wens jou vingers verander in vishoeke, en jou balle begin te jeuk!“…”I hope your fingers change into fishing hooks, and you get an itch in your balls.” Think about it.
18. Bulgarian: “Grozna si kato salata.“…”You are as ugly as salad.” And salad is very ugly indeed.
19. Australian: “May your ears turn into arseholes and sh*t on your shoulders!”…Never let it be said that English isn’t vulgar. Thanks, Australia, for an image that needs no translation.
By Jessica Phelan, GlobalPost
This article is syndicated from GlobalPost.