1. You never got to try a cronut. You were too poor and too hungover to wait in line.
2. Your ass looks fantastic after walking up and down five flights of stairs to your apartment.
3. You don’t actually “know” anyone who was born and raised in NYC. It just feels like after ten years, everyone is automatically a native New Yorker.
4. You know where the best $1 pizza slice places are.
5. Your sleeping habits are all kinds of cray. It’s just so hard to sleep when you can order pancakes from the diner at 10pm, or catch a burlesque show in a Williamsburg basement at 3am.
6. You think Bushwick is the best part of Brooklyn. It’s not, but it’s cheap, and it’s probably the first place you moved when you came to New York, so of course it seems awesome.
7. You took an unpaid internship. Mainly because you didn’t think paid internships for Birchbox or NBCUniversal existed.
8. You struggled with your first job. We all started out as someone else’s bitch, making $10 an hour to feel worthless and cry into our $3 Happy Hour vodka sodas.
9. You’ve had to explain how to “Tweet” something to your boss at PwC. Yes, getting paid to run Morgan Stanley’s Facebook page is an actual job.
10. You scour the “Missed Connections” section on Craigslist, hoping to find a romantic depiction of you riding the subway.
11. You share an apartment with at least two other people. Roommates are fun, it’s like you’re still in college but there’s no homework and you all get your own room.
12. You have attended and / or helped plan a few weddings for your LGBT friends. And you thought it was completely ridiculous that Gay Marriage didn’t exist in NYC prior to 2011.
13. You have friends who grew successful businesses from a Kickstarter campaign, having a celebrity patron, or creating a sexting app.
14. You buy everything from your local bodega. Toilet paper, fruit, alcohol…it’s all there. Whole Foods might have gluten-free donuts, but it doesn’t have a one-eyed cat standing guard over the Poland Spring bottles.
15. You helped Liza Dye pay for her medical expenses after she got hit by a subway car. That girl is so fucking funny and she needs to come back to NYC STAT!
16. You made the mistake of getting into an empty subway car. And you’ll never do it again.
17. You don’t have dishes because ordering from Seamless is easy and more delicious than whatever you could possibly cook.
18. Your apartment looks something like this:
19. Or like this:
20. You’ve traveled to Randall’s Island for the Electric Zoo, Governor’s Ball, or a Dave Matthews Band concert.
21. You pay extra to have someone else do your laundry. It’s just easier to pay $9 per pound until you can live in an apartment building that has a laundry room in the basement.
23. You have no aspirations to own property anytime soon. Why commute to the city, when you could already BE in the city?
24. You danced on a rooftop somewhere after Obama was re-elected in 2012.
25. Your name is on every mailing list for all of the places in town offering one-hour open bar lotteries or free drinks on your birthday.
26. You or someone you know participated in Occupy Wall Street.
27. You justify trips to the Crocodile Lounge because there is “nothing to eat” in your fridge. Because free pizza tastes better than pizza you have to pay for.
28. You get overwhelmed by Tinder. You have to slide through 73 people, and that’s just the people who live within a two-block radius of your apartment.
29. Your Sundays consist of Bottomless Brunching on the Lower East Side.
30. You have perfected the art of never paying full price for anything. SoHo sample sales and secret consignment shops keep you looking fabulous.
31. You relate more to the characters on Broad City than the characters in Girls.
32. You know someone who has slept with James Franco.
And they probably went to NYU.
33. A lot of your friends work in Food and Bev.
And sometimes, they do improv.
34. You only use cabs when you’re drunk.
Or are super lazy.
35. You don’t think you’re part of the gentrification problem.
36. Places like Queens and The Bronx freak you out. Unless you live there, in which case it’s really no big deal.
37. You constantly complain about how broke you are…as you sip on a $14 cocktail at PDT.
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