37 Things You Would Never Hear an Ohioan Say

by Matt Hershberger Nov 11, 2014

1. “What’s the point of high school football?”

2. “I’ve never seen a suburb in my entire life.”

3. “You know, all Ohio State games are equally important to me.”

4. “I have no opinion on Cincinnati chili.”

5. “No, I don’t know anyone with German ancestry.”

6. “My favorite thing about this city is the quality of the public transportation.”

7. “Sure, I like the Bengals and Browns equally. The Steelers are great, too.”

8. “Describe the Ohio River in one word? I’d probably have to go with ‘pristine.’”

9. “Look, we all have to make tough choices in our careers. I totally respect all of LeBron’s.”

10. “God, back in grade school we just couldn’t stop getting snow days.”

11. “I’ve just spent so little of my life in a car.”

12. “Why would you call it BW3’s? There’s no third W in Buffalo Wild Wings.”

13. “Yeah, Dazed and Confused just didn’t ring at all true for me.”

14. “You know, I think North Carolina has the better claim to being ‘The Birthplace of Aviation.’”

15. “Ranch dressing and pizza just don’t go together well.”

16. “Ugh. Graeter’s is disgusting.”

17. “What comes after O-H?”

18. “Could we talk about something else? I’m just so sick of hearing about sports and the weather.”

19. “Yeah, could I have a small soda? Thanks.”

20. “I just don’t see the appeal of corn mazes.”

21. “I went to college, but I had to go out of state. There were just no good options near me.”

22. “Yeah, I’ve been to Halloween at OU. It was a bit dull.”

23. “Sure, I have a car, but I don’t really need it.”

24. “You know, Kings Island is great, but sometimes the other visitors there are just too classy, you know what I mean?”

25. “Why would anyone ever want to kill a deer?”

26. “I just don’t take it that hard when my team loses.”

27. “No, I have no idea where the Wendy’s fast-food chain started.”

28. “I just feel so neglected come election season.”

29. “That Glee show, right? Spot on.”

30. “I wish our local radio station would try to find more conservative voices.”

31. “You ever feel like you just don’t have enough options when it comes to picking a church?”

32. “A lakefront doesn’t count as a beach.”

33. “Ah — dammit — it’s right on the tip of my tongue… who was the first guy to set foot on the moon again?”

34. “I just don’t see any reason our party should involve fireworks.”

35. “House parties just weren’t a thing for us in high school.”

36. “What’s tailgating?”

37. “You know, I’ve heard of ‘soccer moms,’ but I just never seem to see any.”

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