1. That we all love the summer.
Sure, there are the high points — surfing and paddle boarding at all hours of the day, Del’s lemonade, Taylor Swift’s Fourth of July party, just to name a few — but all this delightfulness is overshadowed by all those wasted hours spent in beach traffic.
2. That Misquamicut Beach (or really any beach) offers “low prices.”
Maybe for a basket of fries…The truth is, if you’re visiting from out-of-state, you’re going to be paying up the wazzu for the parking (if you can find any).
3. That Newport is one of the wealthiest parts of the state.
Damn you, Bellevue Avenue.
4. That we’re all heading to Newport and Providence for fun.
Listen, if it’s not Christmas or a serious family emergency, we’re not driving more than 15 minutes ANYWHERE.
5. The Olympia Tea Room is lauded as the “most atmospheric restaurant in town.”
For starters, it’s the only “real” sit-down place in Watch Hill (aside from Seasons at the Ocean House). Second, it’s arguably less “atmospheric” than, say, St. Clair Annex, which has photos and newspaper clippings detailing the state’s history in every nook and cranny.
6. That Tay and her squad are hated by everyone.
As one can expect, any pop star will draw out anyone looking for a fangirl moment, but Tay and her squad are actually pretty low key. For the most part, people don’t even know when they’re in town, except when Swifty makes a rare appearance at a locally-owned restaurant or business. Way to give back, Tay.
7. That it’s St. Clair’s Annex.
8. There’s really nothing to do outside of Newport, Providence, and the beaches.
Funny thing about being the smallest state: the best parts are often overlooked. Make like a local and head toward Matunuck (for the oysters, of course), Historic Wickford Village (especially at Christmastime), and Tiverton (where you can grab an authentic coffee cabinet at Gray’s).
9. No, we aren’t all sitting around eating seafood and drinking a Del’s.
And we don’t all sound like Peter Griffin either.