1. New Yorkers are skinny because they are super healthy.
There are health nuts in the city, but there are also lazy fatasses such as myself who rely on Seamless to deliver the cheapest, greasiest Thai food from the Lemongrass Grill. How do we stay so fit? By walking everywhere, including the five flights of stairs to our apartments. We give off this illusion that we’re the healthiest city in America, but our erratic work environments and constant need to “fit in” cause many of us harbor dark habits (such as binge drinking, eating disorders, and lack of cooking skills). Wearing a lot of black helps deflect attention from our beer bellies and pallid complexions.