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9 Things Montanans Love to Whine About

by Shar Riley Dec 12, 2016

1. Being called the ‘next Portland.’

No, that’s Boulder, and leave Missoula out of it. Missoula may be a haven of winter cyclists, vegan pizza, and coffee shops with free wifi and endless lounging space, but that’s for us to know. Oh, and there’s the mountains and the rivers and the craft breweries, but seriously — don’t spoil it for us with throngs of imposters.

2. Spotty cell phone reception on highways.

And therefore no work emails, no constant text messages, no non-stop political updates, no incessant beeps and dings and buzzes during dinner. Wait — what was the problem again?

3. Running out of Moose Drool.

Moose Drool is basically as popular as water in these parts, so a party that runs out of it (or a bar, for that matter), is as good as done.

4. The weather, obviously.

Yes, it’s cold here in the winter, but then what else would people talk about, anyways? And in some parts just west of the Rockies, the spring flowers bloom way earlier than you’d expect in the “frigid hinterland,” keeping conversation fresh with out-of-towners.

5. Bear jams.

And bison-jams, deer-jams, and sheep-jams. Basically, anytime someone pulls over in the middle of the road to take a selfie with wildlife, and traffic is backed up for miles.

6. Going out of state and not being able to buy beer in the grocery store.

A whole separate store for what is essentially a main course? Seriously?

7. Having to book backcountry campsites in Glacier National Park online.

But it’s so, so worth it. (and you can always walk in with your fingers crossed the day before if you didn’t get what you wanted through the advanced reservations).

8. Bad beer.

With so many local options (some made with glacier water), why settle for those cheap 24-packs of weak straw-colored water?

9. Lonely guy in the woods stereotypes.

Not everyone who gets a cabin in the woods by themselves is up to something nefarious. Cabins happen to make great artist studios, writer retreats, and relaxation spots. So don’t go eyeing up anyone who says they’ve got a spot all to themselves a hundred miles from the nearest town. Invite them over, chances are they’re awesome.

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