1. Brushing dead locusts off of our cars
If you have ever been to Indiana during mid-summer, you have most likely heard the noise we Hoosiers dread. They’re annoying little creatures, who have the body of a grasshopper. Not only do their mating calls represent the end of summer, but you also find them dead everywhere during humid days.
2. Having to drive all way to Ohio just to buy beer on a Sunday
Indiana is the only state where you cannot buy alcohol on Sundays, and it makes absolutely no sense to us. What’s the point of this law if you can still drink at a bar or a winery?
3. Springtime being one huge cluster of construction
When regular people think of springtime, they think of green grass, fresh flowers and new life. Hoosier’s see it as the start of a non-stop construction project. We even have websites dedicated to the construction of Indiana. Once warm weather hits, detour signs pop up on every other street corner. Thank goodness for those Indiana back roads.
Indiana is a farming state, so naturally we love our chicken, deer, steak, turkey, bacon, and ham. Our idea of a vegetable? Iceberg lettuce. We just don’t understand people who don’t eat meat. Bacon is more than a breakfast food — it’s a way of life for us. For many Hoosiers, farming is their only source of income. So vegetarians could potentially be thought of as financially damaging to our way of life.
5. Our crazy ass billboards
“Jesus is coming, call 1-800******* to find out your fate” signs stand right next to adult XXX stores. We hate driving because these things are everywhere, and they simultaneously make us look judgmental and cheap.
6. “Oh! You’re from Indiana, are you Amish?”
This is the one phrase Hoosiers hear way too often. We do have a big Amish community yes, but that doesn’t mean we’re all a part of it. Once you tell an out-of-towner that you are not Amish, they become less interested in what you have to say. Living in Indiana, I have encountered people who practice Atheism, Buddhism, Christianity, Scientology, Satanism, Witchcraft, Taoism, as well as no religion at all — and that’s just in one Indiana city. Diversity lives in the Midwest.
7. Being dismissed as a “drive-through” state
You may say Indiana is boring, but Hoosiers disagree. We hate when people label us as a drive through state. You can go hiking, visit the Das Dutchman Essenhaus for some homestyle cookin’, attend German or Greek fest, spend a day on the water, as well as lay in an empty field and watch the stars light up the night sky. We have wineries overlooking cornfields, drive-in hot dog joints, county fairs, flea markets, antique shops, and over 100 breweries with IPA and Stouts on tap. Indiana is our home, don’t you dare call us “The Crossroads of America.”
8. The New England Patriots
Hoosiers are avid football fans. We’re loyal to our teams. If you ask a Colts fan who they hate the most, the answer will always be the Patriots. We have had an ongoing rivalry with them over the years. The way they talk, walk, and score touchdowns — it all disgusts us. Most of us forget why we hate this team so much, we just do.
9. People telling us to “watch our weight”
We love our food. We’ve got a fast-food joint on every corner. But don’t get us wrong, we love to cook, it’s just that when we do, we douse everything with grease, ranch dressing, and butter. Occasionally, you will find a Hoosier that counts their calories, but the rest of us eat McDonald’s at least once a week.