LeBron is ours and you’re lucky to have him.

Make no mistake, Cleveland. Your city may be on the front of his jersey, but there’s no doubt what’s in his heart. Just watch any interview about his upbringing. See much mentioned about Cleveland? No. It’s all Akron, Akron, Akron with the occasional mention of Swenson’s. Speaking of…

Nothing you have or could ever have beats Swenson’s.

Deep down you have to know this, right?

You’re welcome for helping your alcoholics.

Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith founded Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935, two years after prohibition ended, in Akron, Ohio. So in a sense, Akron has prevented Cleveland from becoming the sloppy drunk mess of America (though nothing could be done about the Warehouse District of Flats in the 90s).

Your part of the Towpath is nice, but…

…Akron’s actually goes into downtown and has done so for years. Good luck cleaning up those environmental hazards so you can catch up with construction!

Bigger is not always better. Akron is its own city, not a suburb of Cleveland.

Yeah, Cleveland has been and probably will always be the bigger of the two. But Houston is also bigger than Austin and is there honestly any question where most eople would rather go? Akron may be small, but it packs a punch in history, culture, and the best is only to come.

Let’s talk about the Cuyahoga Valley Scenic Railroad.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could take a train from your city into a national park or a charming small town like Peninsula? Just a hypothetical. Of course Akronites have known for years what that’s like with the Cuyahoga Valley Scenic Railroad dropping off and picking up just north of downtown. In the meantime, at least you have Independence. And who doesn’t get excited about going to Independence? Freeways for roads, enormous parking lots, and I hear there’s even an Applebee’s.

Don’t get me wrong, Great Lakes Brewing’s Christmas Ale is great.

But nothing beats the classic Christmas Ale recipe in Thirsty Dog Brewing Company’s 12 Dogs of Christmas.

Don-Mother Fucking-Drumm Studios.

That millionth artistic take on the Cleveland skyline plastered over just about every restaurant wall is really, really interesting. We get it. You heart CLE. Well, Akron hearts Don Drumm and his other-worldly Picasso-esque designs.

Where do you get a good waffle?

Lord only knows where you can get a good waffle in Cleveland. Seriously, how do you live? In Akron, it’s 100 percent always Wally’s Waffles in Highland Square for the win.

Alan Freed is Akron’s, too

Every Clevelander likes to brag about being the birthplace of rock and roll all because a little radio DJ by the name of Alan Freed started spinning rock records, cementing its popularity with the Moondog Coronation Ball. But gosh, where did Alan Freed get his start? That’s right, folks. WAKR Akron. You’re welcome for that little gift.

Akron basically kicks your ass on the music scene.

LeBron, Chrissie Hynde and Devo are hardly the only famous gifts to the world. Who do you have to thank for The Black Keys? Yes sir, AK Rowdy.

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