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How to Confuse a Michigander

by Rebecca Klein Oct 10, 2016

Comment on our accents.

What? Us Midwesterners don’t have aaaaccents.

Ask us what an octopus has to do with hockey.

It’s tradition to throw an octopus onto the ice at Red Wings playoff games. And by the way, the Red Wings haven’t missed the playoffs since 1990. No, your team does not have a longer streak. Google it.

Spell Mackinac with a “W” or pronounce it with a “C.”

We love our secret, confusing spellings. You pronounce it Mack-in-AW and spell it Mackinac. That’s how we roll.

Ask how much the toll roads are.

Why does everyone else have these things called toll roads? Our roads are free and we do just fine (sort of).

Refer to anything above 10 degrees as “really cold.”

No, it’s not. That’s practically t-shirt weather here.

Mistake the University of Michigan for Michigan State University.

The two are not the same. Ann Arbor versus East Lansing. Blue versus Green.

Say that fudge from anywhere other than Mackinac Island is great.

Mackinac Island fudge is the beginning, middle, and end of fudge and all others are imposters.

Ask where someone is going when they say they’re going Up North.

It doesn’t matter. Up North is Up North. The rest is details.

Refer to it as THE Ohio State University.

It’s a university, not the university. And you’re lucky that we’re even acknowledging that it’s a university.

Display an inability to name all the Great Lakes.

You mean you didn’t learn this in kindergarten? H-O-M-E-S. Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, Superior.

Try to explain where something is without using your hands as demonstratives.

Michigan is shaped like a mitten, so use that to your advantage.

Refer to a carbonated beverage as “soda.”

No, it’s “pop.” Just like “ginger ale” is not “ginger ale”, it’s Vernor’s.

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