What Cooks Actually Think of Your Breakfast Order

Oatmeal – You weren’t ready when the waiter finally got to you.

A greasy egg sandwich & Bloody Mary – You’re hungover. Or you’re still drunk and anticipating a hangover. Either way, good choice.

A side of gluten-free toast – The Paleo diet is trending on Pinterest, so obviously you’re doing it. You are going to get relatively upset when you find out we don’t serve gluten-free toast.

A single chocolate chip pancake – You’re either a small child or a freshman in college.

The basic breakfast – You’re boring. Eat at home next time.

Fried chicken & waffles – You probably ordered this with a Southern accent.

An egg white omelet – You remain up-to-date on all health fads. I’m tempted to tell you the yolks are the healthiest part of the egg, just to see to your reaction.

The $10 breakfast buffet – You’re a starving college student and will make at least three trips. You’re getting your money’s worth.

Eggs over-hard – You’re high maintenance and passive aggressive. So if the eggs are cooked soft, you’ll refuse to eat AND refuse to send back the dish.

Corned beef hash – You have no standards when it comes to food. You live by the five-second-rule.

Triple-chocolate muffin – You think that just because it’s served on the breakfast menu, it ceases to be dessert. You’ll probably also order a hot chocolate.

The vegetarian omelet, add bacon – You’re grudgingly trying to choose something healthy. You’ll probably add extra cheese and a side of hash browns, too. At some point, you might as well stop kidding yourself and ditch the veggies all together.

The breakfast burrito – You wish it was lunch and that you’d gone to Chipotle instead.

The fruit salad – You’re going to be disappointed when you see the melon:berry ratio. But that’s what you get for ordering fruit salad.

Anything with pork belly – We get that you’re a hipster, but stop asking for cold brew. We don’t serve it.

Just coffee – You’re just using us as a means to escape the cold. You’re probably going to sit there for the next two hours gossiping with your friends. Enjoy the free refills, asshole.

A bagel with cream cheese – You’re going to be late to class, but there was no food in your apartment.

Eggs Benedict – You’re a parent having breakfast without the kids. And that makes both of us happy.

Huevos rancheros – You’re personality is spicy, just like your taste buds. You’ll hoard our hot sauce bottle for the rest of the morning.

Brie and apple omelet – You’re fancy and pretentious enough to make sure this is prepared with extra virgin olive oil, not butter.

Tofu and vegetable scramble – Hippy and friend to all, you are polite and soft-spoken…as long as the vegetables are locally sourced and organically grown.

Grits – You, wise one, know something that everyone else is ignorant to. Despite their presentation, grits are actually a tasty dish and you will leave satisfied.

Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and oatmeal – You don’t have to tell us that you’re a weight lifter on the way home from the gym. Your muscle shirt, meal, and the sweat stain that you leave on the seat says it all.

Anything where you indicate a nut allergy – We know it’s not your fault, but if you knew the process behind preparing an allergy ticket, you wouldn’t have come during the rush.

Make-your-own omelet – You’re a control freak. If you want to dictate exactly what goes into your breakfast, eat at home. There’s a menu for a reason.

The breakfast burger – You’re in the industry. We’re going to send you a side of hash browns and add extra bacon to your burger.

Just hash browns – Everyone knows that hash browns are the best part of breakfast. You get right to the point, and we want to give you a pat on the back and a round of applause.