1. Fail in the bathroom.
Toilet paper is generally not kept in individual bathroom stalls, so it’s likely that you’ll forget to take it to the toilet with you — but you will find a hand hose to spray your bits clean. Don’t hurt yourself with the high-pressure hoses, and if you get too crazy, you may end up squirting your clothes.
After you’re done washing your hands, attempt to dry them with toilet paper — a maddening Thai technique. At best, you’ll walk out of the bathroom with a wet spot on your shirt and bits of toilet paper stuck to your damp hands.