1. No matter how skinny you are, she’ll always say you’re fat.
And then she’ll tell you that you never eat enough.
2. When you were little, instead of kisses, she’d smell your head.
3. As a young child, you were often made to perform a song or dance when your parents had company.
Regardless of whether you actually had any musical talent.
4. When you ask her to teach you a phrase in Tagalog, half of the words will be in English.
Because, “that’s actually how we talk over there. Nobody really speaks Tagalog.”