1. You desperately search for common ground with any Canadian you meet.
“You love hockey? I love hockey!”
2. You can’t understand anything being discussed on The Current’s Twitter account.
What is Hippo Campus? How can I live stream Rock the Garden?
3. You attempt to grill your own Jucy Lucy and fail miserably.
Can I get the 5-8 Club’s emergency hotline, please?
4. You refuse to accept that you’ve started sayings things like “bag” “boat” and “about” in a normal non-Minnesotan accent.
And “Oh yah, sure, you betcha” has progressively become “Oh yes, absolutely, no problem.”
5. Apparently The Wild are a thing now.
When did this happen?
6. Someone at the airport walks past you wearing a mini Duluth Pack Scout Pack and you get all warm-fuzzies inside.
Because apparently some fashion editor deemed it “all the rage.” Jigga what? Let’s be best friends!
7. You still cringe at the thought of Wisconsin reaching the NCAA Championship game.
Once a Gopher, always a Gopher.
8. You FaceTime your mom just to hear her talk about the weather.
“Well, honey, on my way to church it was snowing, ya know, then the sun came out and the sky was just as blue as that ocean you’re living near!”
9. You found Trampled by Turtles on Rhapsody and shed one single, proud tear.
Those are your hometown boys!
10. You’re basing your next travel destination on its proximity to a Dairy Queen.
Mint Oreo Blizzard is better than anything, ever.
11. Road construction makes you legitimately nostalgic.
Ahhh, the fresh smell of newly filled potholes…
12. You’ve given neighborly stray dogs/cats names like Guthrie, Surly, Bob, KG, Tubby, Kiddywampus, Minnie & Paul, Fulton, Harriet, or Michele Bachmann.
13. You contemplate buying SPAM at the supermarket just to feel closer to home.
There is literally no other reason to buy this can other than to pay homage to Minnesota.
14. You unintentionally (ok, intentionally) teach your roommates/travel buddies the “3Ps of Being Passive Aggressive.”
1. Post-it Notes
2. Partially Interested Response (ex: “That sounds…interesting.”)
3. Prominent Head Nod
15. Your Instagram #tbt’s often include Lake Calhoun sailboats at sunset.
And you in front of your favorite band’s star at First Ave, mounted deer heads at a dive bar Up North, a Glamdoll doughnut, and Target Field’s skyline view.
16. You continue to base your flight search on what is the least “spendy.”
17. You should probably be named Minnetonka Moccasin’s Inadvertent Global Ambassador.
18. You’ve started your own version of the Zombie Pub Crawl.
You tried to gain a respectable following, but really, you don’t mind being that guy bar-hopping dressed as a zombie. You can only pretend you’re chugging Brain Belt, but it’s the thought that counts.
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