1. Anything carbonated, sweetened, and flavored is a “Coke.”
2. In terms of ribs, they prefer to “rub it dry.”
3. They won’t come to your wedding (or funeral) because it’s Game Day.
4. “I’ll pray for you” is their way of saying “f*** off.”
5. And “bless your heart” isn’t any better.
6. Their food pyramid is made up of “a meat and three.”
7. They offer you moonshine from a mason jar at an upscale holiday party.
8. They tell you Black Friday doesn’t hold a candle to Tax Free Weekend.
9. One of their pets is named “Presley.”
10. One of their kids is named “Presley.”
11. They remind you at least once who had Peyton Manning first.
12. They actually bribe you to stay as far away from Honky Tonk Highway as possible.
13. They stock up on bread, milk, and Pop-Tarts for a catastrophic dusting of flurries.
14. Sundrop is their drink of choice.
15. They inevitably brag about Gig City at some point during the night.
16. There’s an obviously toxic romantic relationship going on between them and Jack.
17. Tennessee voting yes on Amendment 1 made them want to move. (But then they decided to stay because Tennessee also voted to start selling wine in grocery stores.)
18. One of their biggest culture shocks while traveling is discovering that not all tea is served sweetened and iced.
19. They get enjoyment out of scorching their tongue on hot chicken from Hattie B’s.
20. They ask: “So who do you belong to?” or “Where do you go to church?” within minutes of starting a conversation.
21. They remind you that Georgia can’t take all the glory for Coke.
22. They suggest going to the Jack Daniel’s Distillery to cure a hangover.
23. They or someone they know works on the set of Nashville.
24. They own a dulcimer but can’t play it.
25. Their anxiety goes through the roof if they’re indoors for too long.
26. They wouldn’t think twice about driving to the bordering county (or state) to buy alcohol outside of a dry area.
27. They’re well aware that Bristol is actually the birthplace of Country music — not Nashville.
28. They know that, while we have a lot of catching up to do politically, Tennessee is one of the best states in the country in terms of nature, innovation, and music. Just don’t eat the flattened fauna.
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