1. The advice and opinions of my friends don’t affect our relationship. Our problems are precisely that, ours.
2. My mom wants to stay with us for a few days. I know it bothers you. I will tell her to stay at a motel.
3. Your jealousy made me realize I must get rid of all my male friends. Don’t worry darling, I’m going to end my relationships with my childhood buddies, my cousins, and even my brother.
4. I love when you take me pics just when I wake up or when I’ve got a hangover and later you post them on Instagram.
5. No one forces you to go to my dad’s birthday, I know you can’t stand it. Let’s stay at home and watch TV!
6. We’re going late to the party? It doesn’t matter, we’re right on time, because today I will not wear makeup!
7. Our apartment looks beautiful and cozy with your underwear over the dining table! I will put my panties in the living room to create the perfect combination.
8. My mother’s stews taste horrible, I like your mom’s better.
9. You didn’t flush the toilet again! I already did it. It’s funny how silly you are.
10. Your belly has grown. I suppose you stopped doing exercise. It’s so cute! Comfortable as a pillow. Please, let it grow even more.
11. Don’t worry sweetie! Everybody forgets their anniversary now and then.
12. It’s 2 in the evening and you’re still in bed. You must be extremely tired. Sleep a little more, when you wake up I will have a delicious sandwich and glass of milk for you.
13. I know that when I say I’ll be ready “within 10 minutes” I took two hours. It won’t happen again.
14. Excuse me for throwing away your old football jersey, I thought it was an old stinky rag.
