1. Do I have to sing about a wild half-cat-half-bear girl sweet as soda pop any time there’s a touchdown on Game Day?

2. Hot, damn hot, or shut the cluck up?

3. Dee’-mun-broo’-in? Da-mun’-bree-un?

4. Why did a horse carrying someone dressed as a Confederate soldier just trot past my car at a red light?

5. Is flattened fauna a legitimate thing?

6. Who’s the Bell Witch and why should I stay away from her cave?

7. Why are safes such a sore subject?

8. Am I, too, supposed to religiously root for the Denver Broncos?

9. How the hell do you expect me to eat this barbecue sandwich with no sauce?

10. What’s up with all the Volkswagens everywhere?

11. Wait…Jack isn’t a Bourbon?

12. Is it pa-cahn? Or pee-can?

13. If we’re in the city, why is everyone stomping around in cowboy boots?

14. Am I supposed to return this casserole dish?

15. Is this moonshine legal?

16. You’re telling me I can get barbecue FedEx’d to me…overnight?

17. What’s with the world’s biggest fish fry and why is it in Paris?

18. Where was the wine aisle in the grocery store?!

19. Should I be alarmed that complete strangers keep waving at me? Should I wave back?

20. What does “fixin’ to” mean and why do you keep doing it?

21. What’s with all these abandoned barns telling me to ‘See Rock City’?

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22. Am I supposed to write a thank you note in response to this thank you note?

23. Why is there a Renaissance castle on that hill and how the hell do I get inside?

24. What’s a Vol?

25. So, if I’m really good, Santa will sell me a beer?

26. What can’t you guys deep fry and put on a stick?