Wisconsin moms are a special breed. You’ll hear them rave about the Packers, the chili they made last weekend, and the home decor sales at JoAnn Fabrics. But you will never catch them talking about veggie burgers, soy milk, or artisanal European beers. Here are nine things you will never hear a Wisconsin mom say.
1. “I’m going to bring fresh fruit to the potluck.”
Wisconsin moms are experts when it comes to casseroles, cheesy potatoes, and desserts. The only fruit she’s bringing to the potluck is baked inside a buttery crust with a pound of sugar.
2. “I hope the Vikings win.”
Even though she still has a place in her heart for Brett Favre, she would never, ever, want the Vikings to win.
3. “Let’s have casserole on Friday night.”
Her casseroles are amazing, but Fridays are for fish fries at the local bar or supper club. Deep-fried perch or walleye with a heap of tartar sauce is the only thing on the menu on Friday nights.
4. “That coat is warm enough for you.”
No coat is ever warm enough for a Wisconsin mom’s kid. That’s why she put bread bags around your socks to keep them dry inside your snow boots.
5. “I hear that restaurant has a great veggie burger!”
Mom doesn’t want a veggie burger. She wants a medium rare, juicy beef burger dripping with ketchup and cheese.
6. “We’re out of meat in the freezer.”
A Wisconsin mom always keeps both freezers stocked with plenty of venison, beef, and fish. Between deer season, summers fishing on the lakes, and weekly meat raffles, there’s always plenty of animal products in the freezers.
7. “I’ll have an Amstel Lite.”
Wisconsin moms are loyal to Wisconsin beers, and you bet she isn’t drinking any froufrou beer from Europe. It’s only Miller Lite for her unless it’s a special occasion. Then she’ll have a Spotted Cow.
8. “Holiday decorations are tacky.”
Whether it’s Christmas or Flag Day, she has window clings, garlands, and seasonally appropriate ceramic candy dishes for every occasion.
9. “Oh my, we ran out of dinner.”
More likely, you’ll be eating some combination of the previous three nights’ leftovers for lunch all week long. Cheesy potatoes, green bean casserole, stewed beans, and a pork chop, anyone?