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Photo: Sam Sharma

What doesn’t send people from this boot-shaped country into fits of passionate yelling and hand-shaking?

YOU WILL HEAR THE ANGER: I don’t give a dick! Go up a rectum! But you are really a cretin. What a turd you are! I could kill you! Go give two blow jobs! You have truly broken my dick. Go take a shit! I couldn’t give a cauliflower!

And you will see the anger, both in the eyes and in the hands. Hands will shake. Fingertips will graze the underside of a chin. Thumbs will be raked across throats. Palms will slap biceps. Index fingers and thumbs will form Ls and hover above the hips to indicate just how large your ass will grow from the smacking you will get.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if they’re actually angry or just really, really happy to see you. Either way, here’s how to get Italians to go from merely excitable to downright incazzato.

Exercise your right of way.

I’ve heard rumors that there are traffic laws in Italy. Indeed, I’ve even seen signs that attempt to enforce things like the speed limit and parking zones. But once citizens are on the road, all bets are off.

You’ll see morons driving 150km/h on unlit winding mountain roads at night — slowing down only when they pass the AutoVelox “speed-trap” machine. Cars parked on sidewalks — sideways. Semis passing motorists. Motorcycles passing cars on the right. Pedestrians darting across heavily trafficked roads whenever they damn well please, expecting you to brake for them — you’ll often find yourself braking every ten meters and if you don’t, what are you, an animal?

It’s a freakshow out there, people, and the traffic control officials do their jobs so sporadically that when, after a year of leaving your car in the same space, you actually get the fine for illegal parking, it’s like a double slap in the face.

So which traffic laws can you break? That’s easy — you may break any traffic laws you like, as long as you don’t get caught and as long as you don’t piss off the guy behind you. You may follow traffic laws as well, as long as no other motorists are in a rush.

The other week, I was driving down a main road, fully enjoying my right of way, when some dipshit snaked his car out of an alleyway and cut me off. I honked my horn and shook my hands at him, only to see that he had turned around in his front seat — while driving, mind you — to shake his hands and shout at me, as though I were the asshole.

Italian drivers speed, pass, park, and cross the street like cretins, but if you complain when they do it — or do it yourself — well, you’re just asking for a fight.

Skip the cheek kiss.

It’s customary in Italian culture to greet your friends and family members with a kiss on each cheek — il bacetto.

Sometimes you’re feeling awkward, or you’re in a rush, and you don’t stop to kiss everyone’s cheek. Expect a sour face and a reprimand later: “You didn’t give me the bacetto. I thought you were mad at me.”

Suggest that other cultures’ cuisines might also be delicious.

Italian food is loved worldwide, and with good reason. The Italians themselves are extremely proud of their food, which is why if you suggest other cultures also produce good cuisine, you’ll be setting yourself up for: “Maybe, but nothing is better than our own food.”

    “Yes, but Mexican food is also delicious. In fact, I think it’s my favorite.”

    “There is no food better than Italian food.”

    “Have you ever tried Mexican food?”

    “I don’t have to try Mexican food. I know that Italian food is the best.”

    “Mexican food is really delicious.”

    “Not as delicious as Italian food.”

Press the issue and see the sparks fly. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Fuck with their food.

Fine, you can eat the other shitty cuisines of the world if you have to. But don’t you dare — dare — fuck with what is pure and holy.

Unbeknownst to the rest of the world, there is an extremely stringent set of rules in Italian cooking. Traditionally, short pasta goes with meat sauces, long pasta goes with seafood sauces. Pasta must be cooked with a fistful of rock salt in the water and cooked until it’s al dente — otherwise it’s not pasta, but shit.

Case in point: a friend of mine cooked me dinner one night and, while we were chatting, he feared that he had overcooked the rigatoni: “If they’re overcooked, I will KILL myself!” (Happily, they weren’t.)

Time-honored recipes are not to be polluted with substitutions. Pasta must never be cut with a knife. Cheese and seafood must never mix unless, maybe, maybe, you’re adding ricotta to spigola fish or camembert to mussel stew, but even those pairings are so avant garde as to be terrifying to most Italians.

Nowadays, much experimentation is taking high-end Italian kitchens by storm — i.e., pairing gnocchi with seafood — but all experimentation is to be done only within strict guidelines. Therefore, when Italians are exposed to “Italian food” outside of Italy — bastardized to suit the tastes of that particular culture — they are not only horrified, but mortally offended.

Cheesy seafood alfredo? Chicken parmigiana? Chicken and meatballs in pasta?! Spaghetti “carbonara” made with cream and mushrooms, not egg yolk and pig’s cheek? Cottage cheese in lasagna?! What the fuck is this shit! Who do they think they are!

Once, a friend of mine back home asked me if I had any simple Italian pasta recipes. I sent him a recipe for my Roman mother’s spaghetti al pomodoro — spaghetti with fresh tomato sauce. The next day, he thanked me for the recipe. I was pleased…until he told me he’d added chicken, corn, and cheddar cheese to the sauce. I ran straight to my mother and we had ourselves a good cry. And decided not to send him any more recipes.

Fucking with Italian food is one of the most powerful tools you have in your arsenal for pissing off an Italian, so use it wisely. Like so: my last trip home to the States, I picked up a couple cans of Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs. The next time one of my friends really cheeses me off, I will show it to them. Treat me well, amici. Don’t piss off the American.

Keep your cards close.

Compared to people from other cultures, Italians are very curious — bordering on nosy. They also have strong opinions on what you should be doing. Within minutes of meeting you, they will want to know your life story — “How old are you? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you still in love with him?”

Once they know you, they will often bombard you with “helpful” observations such as: “You shouldn’t wear that much eyeshadow.” “Your skin is breaking out a lot lately — you should see a dermatologist.” “Why don’t you just go out and get laid? It’s obvious your girl parts are rusty.” “Those aren’t the right shoes for that outfit. You didn’t have white ones?” “Your kitchen is organized completely wrong.”

You might be tempted to tell them to mind their own damn business, but to be polite, you’ll just try to keep your cards close or subtly keep on doing exactly what you’re doing. This will get you labeled as “cold,” “closed-off,” “difficult,” and “rude.” And you’re left wondering how it’s not rude to greet someone with, “You look fatter than the last time I saw you.”

Say anything remotely negative about the patria.

Italy, in case you didn’t know, is the best country EVER. There is NO country like Italy. It has the most beautiful scenery. The most wonderful food. It is the birthplace of everything good in the world. It produces the very best shoes, clothes, music, cars, jewelry, technology, leather, textiles, ceramics, and art. It has the most exciting history. It has the most important churches. It also has the best leaves, the best flour, and the best-looking chairs.

Real quotes from my mother:

  • “Those shoes are beautiful. Oh. Made in Italy. Of course.”
  • “That’s a great store for gifts, you know? Products selected with taste. Just like in Italy.”
  • “We won the World Cup! I’m so happy! It’s because we are the best country. The most beautiful country. We have the best soccer players and now everyone else knows it!”

Just try telling an Italian that Italy isn’t the best country in the world. I double-dog dare you. Never mind that most of them are convinced the country is screwed: “This country sucks now. Let’s get out of this economic crisis-fucked hellhole! We’ll go someplace nice, like America.”

If you, however, suggest — whisper, hint — anything slightly negative about the patria, well, prepare yourself.

Make them wait.

I like to think of the Italian people as an intriguing blend of laziness and impatience. While they are all too pleased to take their sweet time doing most things, you can rest assured that if they’re made to wait — in line at the post office, on a stopped train, in traffic — the hands will begin to shake and the voices will rise.

I was on a train the other day, and it stopped between two stations. Immediately, wails began to ring throughout the train cars: “What’s going on?” “What’s happening?” “We want to get out of here!” “Why isn’t anyone telling us anything?” “We’re hungry!” “We’re cold!”

You’d have thought we were at a concentration camp.

North, South, same diff.

Italy has 20 regions and 110 provinces — each geographically distinct with widely varied cuisine, customs, accents, and dialects. Traditionally, the North — Alpine, industrial — is considered to be the “civilized” part of Italy, with shit just getting more chaotic as you go further south.

Italians really don’t like it when you mix up regions (carciofi alla giudia is a Roman dish, okay? It’s got nothing to do with Milan) or, I dunno, make sweeping cultural generalizations about the nation’s people as a whole.

Yep. I can just see it now — dozens of comments following this article bitching: “You’re talking about those boorish Southerners; we’re not like that in the North.”

Culture GuidesHow to piss off...


 

About The Author

Eva Sandoval

Eva is an American freelance travel writer who has lived in four countries in the past four years. She likes to write about her daily humiliations as an expat. She is currently living - and driving very badly - in Terracina, Italy.

  • http://matadornetwork.com/author/emilyarent/ EHA

    Bahaha. “You’d have thought we were at a concentration camp.” Bold move, girl. I have a feeling that the comments will be just as entertaining as the article.

  • Keukamoon

    Mama Mia!

  • Lvanmullem

    Really enjoyed this. I’ll be going to Italy for the first time this summer and will remember not to F- with the food or say anything about America is better. lol

  • Gentile Giovanna

    bacetti NOT bacietti

    • Eva Sandoval

      uff…. era un errore tipografico… perdonaci….

      • http://matadornetwork.com/ Carlo Alcos

        Fixed! Or however you say it in Italian.

  • http://countryskipper.com/ Sabrina

    Thanks for this post :) I really needed a good laugh today! Been dating an Italian for almost ten years and spent quite a bit of time visiting bella Italia, so I can relate :) Hilarious!

  • Guest

    Ah! Fantastic post!! I am Italian and I think you described Italians pretty well!

  • Alessandro Alessandrini

    Interesting views: I still remember how shocked I was when I was handed cream and mushrooms as basis ingredient for the carbonara!
    And btw, my feeling is that scorn towards our home-country and our beloved institutions often prevails: listen GG “Io non mi sento Italiano” to get a first impression of our internal conflict . Living in Italy you should already have understood that we could be everything and its contrary (at the same time)

  • http://matadornetwork.com/ Carlo Alcos

    A drove a 1984 Ford Transit campervan through Italy over 5 weeks, from the top all the way down into Sicily…it did 80 km/h comfortably…it was a hell of an experience…especially getting passed on the autostrada on the rightside shoulder. Driving in Naples was a whole different ballgame.

  • http://sparkpunk.com/ Zak

    This is absolutely hilarious and so, so true…and I’ve only read the subheads so far!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1042634596 Jack Fridrich Daniel

    we’re not like that in the North!!

  • http://www.manifestconnection.com/ Kari

    Love it all! Made me laugh. But I got a real doozey for you. If you want to really piss off an Italian then move in with her son – without getting married, be a vegetarian, and a Ukrainian – and then you will really see what an angry Italian looks like. I see her every time I go to my Italian boyfriends house :(

    • Marcoperruccio

      I’m sorry your boyfriend’s mother didn’t accept you. My best friend’s girlfriend is from Ukraina and his mom loves her. She’s not vegetarian but I am and she loves me very much too!! I wish you good look, maybe the bad mom will change her mind when she realizes you love her son and like her food even if  you don’t eat meat! ;-)

      • Marcoperruccio

        Good LUCK!!
         

      • GiorgioPaccia

        … but  perhaps you also should get married….

        • Billorly

          why? it’s completely okay for people to not get married.

    • Paola Elefante

      That’s because you are dealing with 2 sacred things of hers: her son and food :D
      Believe me, I’m from an area of Italy in which a vegetarian could barely survive :D
      Sorry for your situation, many Italian moms are *REALLY* protective!

    • FRAGOLINA

      :( Kari, that’s just unfortunate! I am sure it’s just “her” problem – a lot of Italian moms are friendly and truly love son’s girlf/wives as their own daughters. Maybe the food really upsets her … lol! BACI! Simona

  • Maximus Decimus Meridius

    Ehehe Eva I was laughin to tears while reading. I’m from Milan, therefore I’m not your tipical Italian from Terracina, still I must admit there are a lot of truths in your post :)

    Only thing I’d like to add for all you non-italians: it’s a damned difficult thing to be the best in the world, the cradle of western civilization, the place where there is more history, art, thought, beauty etc etc than in the rest of the whole friggin planet. It’s something that consumes you, century after century.

    No wonder we’re all kinda weird and freak out so easily, we’re exhausted by the pressure. In fact, I believe everyone should be glad that we’ve become  a country of lunatic, noisy, clueless edonists, and that we do not take ourselves too seriously anymore.

    When we were younger as a civilization, and therefore still “serious”, we were ruling the known world with unstoppable legions of merciless centurions. Now that we debate for hours on the right kind of tomato for our spaghetti, everyone should be thankful for that :) Think about it next time you see us shaking our hands in the air without any plausible reason :)

    • Deb

      Hi I’m from Salerno (near Napoli) and yes, I am your typical southerner. I lived across northern Europe for a couple of years. When I left, I was fed up with my nosy, boorish and uncivilised people and thought I’d find better people and chances anywhere outside Italy. Well, that was not the case at all. Although most of what Eva says about Italians is true, there are just as many qualities only Italians possess. I hope you readers will visit Italy one day and see for yourselves what I mean. I have finally realised that you don’t know what you have till it’s gone. I live in my hometown now and am a very proud Italian again :-)

    • http://www.hyperscrotum.fart Ball Sackins

      “…the cradle of western civilization, the place where there is more history, art, thought, beauty etc etc than in the rest of the whole friggin planet…”

      Greece?

      • Massimiliano Galvagni

        conquered by romans in 168 BC

  • Yeh

    Tell them that soccer is for girls, make sure you say soccer not football

  • Wesgodin

    it just sounds like they are more egotistical and selfish than most places.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/KWBUV6VSRRT3FRWX4E4VXATWBY Lou

    Soccer was a sport invented by european women to play while their men cook and clean for them.

  • http://www.facebook.com/frusp Fabio Frusp

    ^^ lol (from Sicily)

  • Franc Terr

    ….Italians do it better, that’s simple!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_AHAD7P46PEFXXC2FUMFPE5WMTQ ackar green

    Still remember my parents being gifted by their Italian housecleaner with a lovingly made Brodo (I looked that up just now. Yep, must have been Brodo.)

    She gave them a container of what looked like water and then took her leave.

    My parents were puzzled by it. “Water?”

    Maybe, they thought to themselves, they were being gifted with the container itself – early 50′s tupperware.

    They dumped the “water” and kept the plastic.

    Later, when the lovely lady heard what had happened to her hours of heart-pouring labor, she became thoroughly Italian.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_AHAD7P46PEFXXC2FUMFPE5WMTQ ackar green

      Ok, one more Italian story.

      Here is what my mother taught me at any early age – Italian men are strong! (We aren’t Italian btw)

      Around the time that Mussolini was extending the Italian Empire into Albania my mother was getting her car stuck in a deadend street of an Italian neighborhood of Boston.

      She was a nursing student and could ill afford even a car that had a broken reverse gear.

      She and her school roommate were touring about and found themselves on the deadend street. No reverse gear and no room to manuever. Out of nowhere, my mother relates, a half-dozen or so big Italian men surrounded the car, lifted it up in the air,turned it 180 degrees and set it down again.

      My mother was flabbergasted and it made an indelible memory that she was still sharing over and over and over again more than fifty years later.

      Mamma Mia!

  • Ele

    Ahahahaha!!! I’m italian, but I leave abroad and have friends from everywhere. My American boyfriend sent this link to me and i laughed a lot (I guessed he did too). Some things are sooo true!!! Some just partially… For food, for example, I’m like that: I love mexican, thai, indian, chinese, japanese (and i can keep going…), and I’m really open minded, BUT! When it comes to italian food, i don’t accept any changes… i think it ruins the simplicity and the original taste of italian cuisine. You can change a dish, but then you can’t say it’s the same recipe anymore! One time my boyfriend added tuna to minestrone and I was disgusted… And why, then?? You can try to make a dish better adding stuff if you don’t like it, but it liked it, so why adding tune???
    And the train stuff…. just this morning I went for the blood test like every time I come back, and we were waiting and the nurse opened the door at 07.32 instead at 07.30 and the people were really like it was outrageous…” “What’s going on?” “What’s happening?” “We want to get out of here!” “Why isn’t anyone telling us anything?” “We’re hungry!” “We’re cold!”
    You’d have thought we were at a concentration camp.” Exactly. “They take it easy, because they are inside! Life is nice, huh, when you are not waiting! But what do they care? If they write 7.30 they should open at 7.30, what the fuck!”. Specially from old people (they are the most intolerant ones- my grandma would be the best example ever).Anyway, very funny article, but still i think everybody should go to Italy at least once in their lifetime, to enjoy the food and observing people… and see those situations themselves. It’s really fun!

    • Guest

      When I read about tuna in the minestrone I felt bad!

      • Eva Sandoval

        Me, too.

      • Paola Elefante

        Me too. My heart broke. :(

  • woodrat2296

    Italian food the best????? Not friggin likely. Hungarian food IS the best, bar none. So put that in your meatball and suck on it.

    • Guest

      Yes, sure. And bacon isn’t fat.

  • http://twitter.com/georgatoss Pietro Branca

    You know what, a lot don’t get your irony. I would like to argue about several points, especially this one:
     ”I like to think of the Italian people as an intriguing blend of laziness and impatience.”

    But I’m too lazy, and I won’t. By the way I love USA food! Fresh traditional tuna from Iowa is wonderful with Alaska prickly pears and Hawaian cheese.

    • Eva Sandoval

      But the best food of all is…?

  • http://www.facebook.com/upasana.mallick Upasana Mallick

    This is SO HILARIOUS! especially the cuisine bit, just can’t get over it!

  • Pina Trimarchi

    I am a Canadian Italian. Born in Italy immigrated to Canada at the age of 4.  I was aware of  what pissed Italian off, but it hit home when I traveled to Italy last September. Eva OMG you have hit it right on the nail.  I laughed throughout the article.  The food OMG you don’t F*^%$ with the food.  I made bread in Calabria with sun dried tomatoes and olives they thought I was crazy and wanted me to take it back to Canada when I left.  So my husband and ate it on the airplane.   My the way it was amazing and I happy they did not want it. 

  • Erm

    I’m italian, from Trieste (north-east) and living in Florence. You got it right, all of it! DON’T MESS WITH THE RECEPIES or I’ll Kill You All, ignorant foreigners : ) I have that tendency too.
    it’s right anyway that Italy is not a country but a very crammed and non-very-well-united  puzzle of countries. every region has its own flaws and craziness and some of the habits you listed are specific of southern regions (expecially the bacetto thing). so please explore the north and come back with an hilarious article about it! it would be fun. 

    • Eva Sandoval

      I accept your challenge!

  • Yorso

    You’re simply stupid.

  • Kate

    Totally makes me want to visit Italy – love people who are passionate about their food and country.  I’d have to get used to the cheek kiss though.

    • Eva Sandoval

      I tend to get disoriented my first few days back in Italy or back home. Last Thanksgiving, I found myself automatically going in for the cheek kiss my first day back in the States. And then when I got back to Italy, I greeted my friends with hugs.

  • pakita

    Awesome and truly funny :-)

  • Contr Addiction93

    The food part was so accurate and the whole article is funny! But, admit it, you exagerated a bit on some parts, we’re not that extreme!

  • http://twitter.com/acorneroflife elena

    Hahahaha I’m laughing so hard. And consider I’m Italian. It’s just that what you said, in my experience, is totally true.
    I’ve always wanted to go to America, but try and touch my country and you’ll see the stars. Not to mention the cuisine and the “bacetto.” Yes, people (including me) tend to consider it rude if you don’t do it before leaving. Or after arriving.
    As for driving and all.. well. Okay, you know Italy really well.

  • Paninomorbido

    Damn it, you’re right. It’s very interesting to know how (we) Italians are seen. Paradoxically, I’m one of those who are trying to escape from Italy, because of it’s general desease (disorganization, etc..). But this wonderful post make me think about the “positive force” of my country.  About your disquisition on the relationship between italians and cousine, I really agree. But is noticeable that new generations (the mine – 1991 – for example) are magnetically attracted by american food – called more generally “junk food” or, more often “merda”. I could eat myself’s face for a TRUE burrito, or a BELIEVABLE hamburger. And fried stuff, filled with dog’s oil and misterious cheese(s?). 

    Strange place, this place. 

    • Eva Sandoval

      se sai dove si trova un “true burrito” o un “believable hamburger,” fammi sape’ aoooooooo….!!!

  • Marco

    This is the far worst article I’ve seen so far on Italy.
    I’m an Italian living in the U.S. (the joke is that Eva is an American… wait… America is a continent… wait… 2 continents… but you feel yourself obliged to criticize Italian culture, right?) and I’ve lived in some other countries in the last 2 years and I’m astonished by the poor knowledge of Italy the author shows.
    It’s exactly like reading the sum of all commonplaces about Italy. If this article was meant to be funny, or ironic or sarcastic… well, it failed big time.
    You can tell it even in the beginning by making fun of the basic translation skills of every Italian totally forgetting that the average Italian has a much better knowledge of English language (and sometimes even another language) than the average English native speaker has of any other language.
    The only feeling that this article inspires me is sadness.

    • Eva Sandoval

      1) I’m an American living in Terracina, Italy whose parents are immigrants from Italy (Colleferro and Rome).
      2) It was indeed meant to be funny, ironic, and sarcastic. The other Italians who read it and liked it would beg to differ with your assertion that it failed.
      3) The intro was literally translating common Italian swears into English to give an example of what Italians say when they’re angry.

      Tu dici di essere italiano e nemmeno quello hai capito?

  • Elenlith

    hahaha, this is hilarious, especially the cuisine part, SO TRUE!!

  • Madeline

    To be fair I thought I would have had a big laugh by reading this as I am italian but I lived for several years in the UK and I always laugh about italians’ close mind for international cuisine or italian’s gestures. However, i found this articles quite common.

    I agree with some of the lines you wrote, but I guess this is a very stereotypical article. It only exagerates italian mentality and manners and it is not explanatory at all.

    I do not think you really got into the place mentality.

  • Capitano

    I don’t really agree on the cheek kiss (but it probably varies widely inside the country) and the cuisine argument, actually I prefer German cuisine.

    I’m from Rome, born and breed.

    • Capitano

       *bred

  • http://twitter.com/Silvia_Ylunio Silvia Letizia

    I’m Italian girl from Sicily :)
    I have to agree with what you wrote and I’m relieved that I’m not the typical
    Italian girl, then (I hate the whole “bacetto”-thing, and usually
    people think I’m cold because I great everyone with a general “hello, good
    evening guys!”)

    Regarding the food, well.. I think it’s normal when a country has a strong tradition like
    that. I believe it’s the same for French or Japanese people and, believe me, I
    read of American guys fighting on the web about the difference between grilled
    meat and BBQ.

    Most of the things you said, anyway, piss off even Italian people like me. More than once I
    was almost killed by a motorcycle who tried to pass an autobus on the right at
    the bus stop while I was getting of of the said bus.

    Plus, another problem is not that Italian people hate to wait.. it’s that Italian people
    really love to complain! (and the example you made about what happened on that
    train is brilliant).

    Oh, and sorry for any possible English mistake I made but.. you know.. I’m Italian, and
    Italian people can’t speak English :P

  • Mantodistelle

    I like it ….. although I am from Northern Italy therefore this is not about ME of course LOL .. joking! it is almost like this apart from the fact that whoever your friends are they are a bunch of inpolite and vulgar people. Come on! if someone says that to me … you will see my hands shake for sure! 

  • http://twitter.com/XavierTartaglia Xavier Tartaglia

    Omg the angry chef photo is from Montréal :D my city :)

  • Paola Elefante

    I’m an Italian living in Finland. I’m scared, Eva. You pictured EXACTLY how we are. I don’t consider myself a stereotypical Italian person, but… damn it! I really go mad when I see people messing up with food :D.
    Great post, really!

    • Rossa

      siiiiiiiiii! i live in UK and used to live in Spain, every single attept to remotely reproduce Italian food by any non Italian human being drives me maaaaaaad! I cannot help it, it goes beyond my control.

  • Maximus UnDecimus Meridius

    Yeah, you’re right. Who ever heard in the world about Cimabue, Michelangelo, Brunelleschi, Tiziano, Leonardo da Vinci, Giotto? Yeah, It’s true. If you go to the Metropolitan Museum there you can find so much… about Italian artists. It’s a pity they all were from one place in earth… so pick a fork up and try eating your rastafarian spaghetti! Only one question left: why are you still living (ouch! sorry for the grammar) in Italy? Perhaps you really like the risk when you put your feet on pedestrian crossing! ;-P
    ps Have I realized a pissed off? No? 

  • bornofflesh

    Aaah,  il bacetto. Now I understand the reason why i pissed off all myItalian acquaintances in my everlasting hurry.

  • Tia

    how very true. As a confirmation read the comments below this article for examples of similarl pissed off italians: 
    http://www.italian-food-lovers.com/2011/05/the-10-most-common-errors-in-italian-tradition-which-people-around-the-world-think-are-the-true-italian-style/

  • Some random person…

    My first time in Italy was Vecenza.  When I arrived a friend (there for military purposes) picked me up at the airport.  As we were driving one of the first things he said was “See the lines on the road, the street signs, speed limits, traffic lights… just a general guideline.”  On that first car ride to his apartment we were on a four lane road (two each way) and, as no one was coming in the other direction, there were three cars side to side driving one direction – on one was trying to pass, one guy just decided he was going to use the oncoming lane since no one else was.

  • Morricl

    Nice article.  Pity about the gratuitous swearing.  It is possible to be funny without four-letter words or lavatorial association.  Try it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/eva.sandoval Eva Sandoval

       Fair enough. My mom said the same thing. Must have been really mad when I wrote the piece.

      For the record, the first three years I was a journalist, I never used a word milder than “darn.” It is possible. I was quite funny indeed. But sometimes – or lately – the only word that seems right is “fork.”  Hug me?

  • Silvietta

    Nice! Exaggerated, but with a great touch…

  • Sabna_delorenzo

    Fantastic. So true!
     

  • Margot Bezzi

    My gosh what an article full of stereotypes….but I could also live with and laugh of stupid stereotypes, if they were true…for example, what the hell is this: “Traditionally, short pasta goes with meat sauces, long pasta goes with seafood sauces.”…it is just an heresy and it does not make sense….

  • Ty Kunovsky

    Pretty spot on.

  • Achille Broggi

    If I was you I’d write this article in a completely different manner….anyway, seriously? camembert with mussels? that’s a french thing. In Italy we cook the best mussels in the world, only garlic(not onion), pepper and persil!

    • Aparna V

      You just proved his point Achi..’best’ mussels in the world? Hehe funny article nonetheless!

    • Eva Sandoval

      Reread this sentence: “Cheese and seafood must never mix unless, MAYBE, MAYBE, you’re adding ricotta to spigola fish or camembert to mussel stew, but even those pairings are so AVANT GARDE AS TO BE TERRIFYING TO MOST ITALIANS.” There’s experimentation going on, even in Italian cuisine, but most Italians are so rooted in tradition they won’t accept it. So, yes, you proved my point on two levels.

    • Eva Sandoval

      Aparna V “Her” point.

    • Giulio Coppi

      Eva and Aparna, I think Achille was doing some kind of irony there… but in case I should prove wrong and he’s totally serious about it, that would be an amazingly epic fail!

      • Apprentisorcier

        I vote for Achille being serious.

  • Debian Blair

    You completely missed the “football team” argument.

  • Ambra Dalmiglio

    …ok, I might not be Italian, afterall. I hate the bacetto, I only do it with acquaintances ’cause it’s awkward for me to kiss my friends on the cheek :S Plus, I don’t give a damn about soccer nor the patria, and even if I actually think italian cuisine is one of the best in the world, I’m well aware that in order to be so sure, I must taste the world as much as I can :P I hate being nosy, as much as I hate nosy people, and…well, you got it. I feel more like a European, now that I think about it :D

    • Gianni Siragusa

      Ambra I agree and feel very much like you. Despite being 100% Italian one of my favourite cuisine is actually Japanese and having lived in London for nearly 12yrs I still miss the odd Steak and kidney pie in Ale (in a gastro-pub or home-made with good stuuf not the crap they sell in supermarkets) or Yorkshire pudding. Still having tried from Mexican to Viet through Jap and living in France having a thourough knowledge of French cuisine I still believe Italian IS the best. For many reasons. There are reasons why cottage cheese is not to be used in lasagne and it’s not out of snobbery but plain simple because go compare fresh ricotta bought at a farmer’s market in Sicily and the best cottage cheese and you’ll just see they just don’t compare and ricotta simply mixes sooo well in lasagne!! Italian cuisine is also one of the healthiest in the world possibly with Japanese cuisine. Go check for yourself thestats dear writer ;) (I don’t mean it in a nasty way hence the wink ;) ;). History of our food has developed over a few milleniums that is possibly why it’s sooo hard convincing Italians to experiment but then again wonder why when you go and but Bio foods at your grocery so many of the produce come from Italy? At least in the Euro-zone. Our culture revolves around family and food so it’s all consequential…
      P.S. …”go up your rectum”??? you wish to tell me that if you say to a New Yorker “up yours” or “up your arse, man!! he’ll smile back at you?? LOL

  • Gianpaolo Caputo

    people in North possess all the bad aspects of Italians, without having the nice ones.

    • Riccardo Ray

      ovviamente la predica proviene direttamente dalla terronia

    • Serena Farina

      Se vuoi rispetto, evita di chiamare il Sud “terronia”. Comunque, a parte il termine indelicato, hai perfettamente ragione.

    • Marcello Teggi

      people in north at least produce, u guys don’t do anything apart from mafia and chilling after having eaten -__-

    • Marcello Teggi

      people in north at least produce, u guys don’t do anything apart from mafia and chilling after having eaten -__-

    • Marcello Teggi

      people in north at least produce, u guys don’t do anything apart from mafia and chilling after having eaten -__-

    • Marcello Teggi

      people in north at least produce, u guys don’t do anything apart from mafia and chilling after having eaten -__-

    • Marcello Teggi

      people in north at least produce, u guys don’t do anything apart from mafia and chilling after having eaten -__-

    • Marcello Teggi

      people in north at least produce, u guys don’t do anything apart from mafia and chilling after having eaten -__-

    • Marcello Teggi

      people in north at least produce, u guys don’t do anything apart from mafia and chilling after having eaten -__-

  • Stefano Boario Nava

    Michelle Williamson

    • Michelle Williamson

      … I’m really sorry I put Edam cheese on my pasta fano…

    • Roberto Panai

      Hey @[100002472233003:2048:Andrea] enjoy it!

    • Roberto Panai

      You know that with me doesn’t work but with Edo you can have a lot of fun!

    • Andrea Herrera Suescún

      Just Edo @[617893438:2048:Roberto]ino, just Edo…. lol!

  • Daniele Codecasa

    I’m proud of all of these stuff except of the traffic behave because express in some way the habit to do only what it is convenient for ourselves without care that this going to make the other life worse and for consequence also our!

  • Gerry Nucifora

    but… you gotta love them anyway.

  • Silvia Cerri

    I come from the “Alpine, industrialized” North, and I can find myself and most of the people I know in this article. I laughed a lot, and hard.
    Having lived abroad on multiple occasions I can also say that my “italianità” gets much stronger when I am not at home. In Chile I nag people constantly with the supposed superiority of our food, but back in Italy I am a sucker for Japanese and Mexican.
    Italian and proud to be. Despite our uncountable flaws and the state of ruin our country is facing, Italy keeps being a damn sweet place to live in :)

    • Kalo Smith

      same way i feel to be an american living Italy! and of course im proud to be part vicentino too ;)

    • Silvia Cerri
    • Eva Sandoval

      SIlvia, I’m the same about American food! When I’m home in America all I want is Japanese or Mexican. But when I’m in Italy, I love educating my friends about “real” American food (it’s not just hamburgers and hot dogs!!).

    • Kalo Smith

      that article was about yankees….Im a southern boy! hahahaha

    • Eva Sandoval

      Check the byline on that story, Silvia.

    • Silvia Cerri

      I know, I already stalked your articles.

    • Eva Sandoval

      I’m honored.

    • Giacomo Sbarbaro

      Sposami

    • Marcello Teggi

      rofl “real american food” … cool story bro

  • Pier Luigi

    Even if this piece is quite funny and I’ve been laughing all the time I’ ve read , it’s full of stereotypes. It should be ok for those who want a really good tourist idea about Italy but surely less for people who want to know more about Italy (can we say traveller? It may be)However read it…it’s enjoyable. Come to Italy even just to eat…you will not regret it!

    • Pier Luigi

      @[659263321:2048:Silvia Cerri] I miss you

    • Silvia Cerri

      Pier, ti penso un sacco sempre. Il tuo nomadismo mi ha ispirata sommamente e sto cercando tirocini in Quebec e Stati Uniti. Sentiti un modello, per me lo sei.
      Ti stai trattando bene?

    • Pier Luigi

      periodo di transizione….sono dal di dentro della leopardiana siepe ossia al paese, in Puglia.Tu?Quebec, Canada…un posto dove vivere tutta la vita!Doubtless. Sei troppo gentile. Spero di vederti presto!
      Se decidi per il Quebec, Montreal, spero per te, sentiti con la Covolan giacché lei è in partenza!

  • Sarah WarWicked

    I loved this article I think you really sussed us out :D

  • Carlo Alberto

    The only thing I can say: you’re right. And most of italian people CAN’T speak foreign languages.

  • Giovanni Verni

    Stay in your country, and you will never have problems with anyone.

    • Kenneth Skou

      So… You really missed the point of the article there, didn’t you?

    • Riccardo Ray

      he read the first sentence of the first paragraph, dont waist your breath :)

  • Neli Miteva

    What was the point of this article except the use of “dirty” words to grab our attention to read it?
    P.S. Writing is not for everybody. Even if they live in Italy.

  • Giulia Sergi

    Hahaha this is hilarious. And true. Despite the fact that being nosy “à la italienne” teaches you how not to take people too seriously. And also how to be sure that a newcomer will never feel alone :) You should learn from that!

  • Carlotta Uke Scarlata

    A lot of stereotypes…and above all, I don’t think this is really what pisses Italians off, but what pisses the Author off about Italians…not the same, at all..

  • Carlotta Uke Scarlata

    A lot of stereotypes…and above all, I don’t think this is really what pisses Italians off, but what pisses the Author off about Italians…not the same, at all..

  • Roberto Todini

    “Say anything remotely negative about the patria.” really? Are you kidding? I think there are few populations all over the world so negative about their own country (with good reasons) as Italians. Maybe you are right about food (and yet my city is full of ethnic restaurant) and a few other things, but these are are the exceptions. Your article is funny, some of the things are true, traffic is a real mess both Italian drivers and pedestrian are uncivilized, I’m a cyclist I live it on me. Maybe some italians (many italians) have the attitude “è il mio paese e l’ammazzo quando mi pare ma tu non puoi” “it’s my country I kill it whenever I want but you can’t”, this is typical of italian culture, is like if you have a brother or sister or mother or father that is not a great person so you complain about it, you critic them in public as an escape but if someone else says “you are right he/she is a bad person” you went mad at him. Maybe in a pragmatic way for a stranger there is no difference because the reaction is the same, but the point is that simply is not true that the average Italian thinks his country is the best. We hold on food and fashion because we know that acutally those are loved all over the world, because they are among the few (very few) things left us to be proud of, and I think the average italian knows that.

  • Roberto Todini

    “Say anything remotely negative about the patria.” really? Are you kidding? I think there are few populations all over the world so negative about their own country (with good reasons) as Italians. Maybe you are right about food (and yet my city is full of ethnic restaurant) and a few other things, but these are are the exceptions. Your article is funny, some of the things are true, traffic is a real mess both Italian drivers and pedestrian are uncivilized, I’m a cyclist I live it on me. Maybe some italians (many italians) have the attitude “è il mio paese e l’ammazzo quando mi pare ma tu non puoi” “it’s my country I kill it whenever I want but you can’t”, this is typical of italian culture, is like if you have a brother or sister or mother or father that is not a great person so you complain about it, you critic them in public as an escape but if someone else says “you are right he/she is a bad person” you went mad at him. Maybe in a pragmatic way for a stranger there is no difference because the reaction is the same, but the point is that simply is not true that the average Italian thinks his country is the best. We hold on food and fashion because we know that acutally those are loved all over the world, because they are among the few (very few) things left us to be proud of, and I think the average italian knows that.

    • Apprentisorcier

      I agree, that’s the only part of the article that doesn’t sound true: I don’t think I know of a more self-loathing people than us.

  • Luka Luka

    good piece, truthful and funny… however, in my experience it’s the Americans which are truly convinced their country is the best and everything they say or do there is better than anyything else…

  • Marco Grasso

    After 4 years in the UK, now that I’m back home I find my self noticing a lot more of the ‘italian driving freakshow’ (still offensive though) and honking to people who don’t respect the street laws that, believe it or not, we have too. I like to think my honking will change things! On the other hand, when I’m cycling around town…I just have to try staying alive!
    After 4 years in the UK, I learned how to appreciate ‘real italian food’. I do love trying other cousines and I like to eat differente food, but when it comes to the ‘holy-pasta’ I don’t compromise.
    After 4 years in the UK, I hate queueing even more!
    After 4 years in the UK, I love when people you just met greets you with a kiss (‘bacetto’). Some of us might get nosy that’s true, but once you get to know us you want regret to have opened your heart.
    After 4 years in the UK, yeah, our country is a bit messed up right know, but the wind is changing, and will always be the best country EVER! :D
    (One free tip: Italian’s pride comes out even more when we read this kind of article!) :D :D

    • Carlo Rotta

      La fiera del luogo comune….

    • Matthew Twigg

      Love Italy allot but as a true Brit I say god save the queen!

    • Matthew Twigg

      Love Italy allot but as a true Brit I say god save the queen!

    • Marco Pellegrini

      God has saved the Queen more than he did with the last six popes, which elizabeth has met!!

  • Antonio D’Innocente

    I agree with the “keeps your cards close”, it’s a very disgusting trait that many italians have. I also agree with “make them wait” and proud of it!

  • Eve Bentley

    Very funny but I must say that driving in America is pretty scary too. You can overtake on both sides on the freeway! Dangerous and crazy!

  • Eve Bentley

    Very funny but I must say that driving in America is pretty scary too. You can overtake on both sides on the freeway! Dangerous and crazy!

  • Matteo De Almasy

    we’re not like that in the North indeed :P

  • Stefano Facchin

    Writing about cultures and people without ending up in trivial stereotypes is always hard. I appreciate the fact you shared your personal experiences to support your points of view, the stories are quite funny, and if read beyond the shallow joke level they can indeed be “insightful”. As an Italian living abroad and having lived abroad in more than one country already, I can’t neither confirm nor deny most of them, cause yes, they describe Italy and Italians in some ways, but stereotypes are the best means to describe any culture and if adapted a bit, this article could be used to describe almost any other culture (in its structure I mean, not in the exact terms). The more I live abroad and confront my self with others, the more I feel all cultures essentially are the same, i.e. a strong shared sense of belonging and community, which makes you sensitive to people who belong to another community and their “differences” and sometimes turns this sensitiveness to a sense of uneasyness or hostility. Food, sport, habits and so on are just describing facets of this sense of belonging. Anyway sorry for the digression, I meant to compliment you for the article, it is a nice try, and it is nice to compare it with other “piss-offs”. I hope your stay will continue being exciting and “challenging”. P.s. if you are interested in a unique apparently peaceful “clash of cultures” go to my region (trentino alto adige, but specifically in alto adige), and I would be glad to read your impressions.

  • Francesco Mortara

    You’re talking about those boorish Southerners, we’re not like that in the North.

  • Giuliano Cataford

    Wow, you sure have them all figured out.

  • Andrea Florio

    I’m Italian, and trust me, Italy as a country SUCKS :) I agree on most of your points, but I also seriously believe that Italy right now is one of the worst countries out there!

    Love from PUGLIA :P

    • Carlos Vyvary

      jajaja but you know that mix carbonara with cream pissed you off :D

    • Andrea Florio

      Oh man, that’s for sure! Don’t even dare to put a row egg on the pasta or to say that carbonara is made with cream!

    • Jane Kraft

      No piache…I LOVE your country…that’s why I’m back!

    • Andrea Florio

      maybe you do Jane, but trust for someone who was bord there and lived there for several years, the way the country works is horrible… no work, shitty economy, we can’t get rid of people like berlusconi and so on. Yeah we have great food, amazing places to visit, people is so warm towards you and so on.. but that country is not able to provide a future!

  • Andrea Florio

    I’m Italian, and trust me, Italy as a country SUCKS :) I agree on most of your points, but I also seriously believe that Italy right now is one of the worst countries out there!

    Love from PUGLIA :P

  • Antonio Castelli

    Extremely banal, you should study much more.

  • Antonio Castelli

    Extremely banal, you should study much more.

  • Antonio Castelli

    Extremely banal, you should study much more.

  • Antonio Castelli

    Extremely banal, you should study much more.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

    • Jacek

      You can’t take it so personally, it’s made to laugh. Imagine what I would read about myself (I am Polish) xdxd

    • Kasper Schmidt

      Aaaand here you can see an italian that got pissed.
      Relax, have a Bialetti. I am from Rome, I live in Paris and I had a lot of laughs reading the article. If you can’t tell satire from racism you must indeed have a hard time dealing with the brits.

    • Ross William Drew

      See the problem you’re having is that you went to London. The capitol of rudeness and rush. Go anywhere else in England, better yet, Scotland and you’ll have a warmer welcome.

      • Francesco D’Arcangeli

        I can confirm this. London is an exception…

      • Tuzio

        …and as an immigrant, you will find no job whatsoever. Been in north England (Derbyshire) and found nothing relevant to my skills. While I did make many friends, I only found temporary, manual jobs where I wasn’t even supposed to give my best, according to my colleagues (God forbid, that’s competition! Who do I think I am?).
        At least in London I can work on actual software systems and if I am more productive than others they promote me to senior or lead instead of giving me stick.

        To Enrica Sorrentino: sometimes, even the opposite of what you described happens: Italians coming to London and behaving exactly as they do back in Italy. I can’t help grimacing when, for example, I’m in a queue to board a bus and see a group of italians boarding before everyone else because “I didn’t realise it was a queue”, or when my partner can clearly make out every sentence the annoying Italian neighbour says during her loud, interminable phone conversations at 1 AM.

        So the Brits are rude, sarcastic and racist, you say? Well, we are often uncivilised, haven’t got much regard for rules, take even facetious comments seriously and often are ethnocentric to the point of appearing xenophobic. It helps to keep that in mind before coming to quick conclusions about such a diverse and – in many respects – evolved population.

    • Mauro Ciriminna

      take it as a joke..
      of course it is a it exaggerated, but it is meant t be funny and ironic…

    • Jessie James

      How many f***ing times did you write this sh*t!? I’ve been reading it for 20 times or so! Once for all, SHUT UP!
      Do you think that in England are waiting for people like you simply with open arms? Probably your bf’s English sucks and that’s the main reason why British people take the p*ss of him (and YOU all).

      If you DON’T have any kind of reference in UK it’s quite impossible to find a job, nevertheless if your graduation is useless (“Science of my arse” is not contemplated). Try in an Italian restaurant if you’re lucky enough to have a regular contract (Italians are smart even abroad) and good luck!

      I nearly forgot: Tell it to the UE Commission if you like: it won’t do anything at all (they don’t give a damn about European policies, so don’t even waste your time).

      And stop, please, STOP acting like British are affected by “xenophobia”: that’s a word Italians love to use, expecially if they’re from the South… If you don’t like this country, feel free to come back home. No problem at all.

      • Boyana Ivanova

        hahaha the angry Brits:) Quite an Italian temperament:) But if the girl is able to produce this text in English her language skills should be alright imo. Anyway its hilarious to read an Italian English rant online:D:D

        • heffalump

          two in fact! …weren’t both of those native italian speakers? ;)

      • sebas77

        alla faccia del self control inglese :)

    • Andrea Florio

      Hey, I’m also Italian, and I did enjoy this article. I lived and worked in London for two years, and I had a blast of an experience! I made tons of friends from all euro countries, and I carefully avoided to alienate myself with other Italians (I mean, I’m in a different country, if I hang out with Italians I won’t improve my language).
      So I guess your experience is also based on your reaction on jokes and such. One of my best friends in UK was a German guy. We were often joking picking up stereotypes of each other country, and I’ve never reacted like “omg Italy rules you suck!”. Maybe it’s that way of thinking that doesn’t let you fit nicely in a kind and great country like the UK.
      Oh, and the brits… They are great people. Seriously, even the cops are nice and kind. And this comes from a southern Italian. Learn to love not to hate!

    • loveengland

      suck dick pasta munching fuck!

    • Valeria

      I’m Italian and I’ve lived in the U.S. for 15 years now. When I was in Italy 07/08 as a study abroad student I looked for a position in Rome. You say that you have never been asked what race you are etc while applying…. well in Italy it’s much worse they ask for “bella presenza” basically you need to be good looking also they tell you between what ages you should be and some posts also specifically look for either male or female applicants. It may not be race, it may not be religion but Italy is just as bad. Also transitioning to a different country where you are very well versed in the language is very though trust me I have done it but you cannot generalize a whole country on the bad experiences that you have had so far; also jobs are hard to come by anywhere at this point. Try to keep positive don’t let the bad experiences ruin your time in the UK you never know you may just fall in love with London once you find the right people, job and get to really appreciate the culture.

    • Valentina

      Well, first of this is supposed to be a satiric article, as anybody with the slightest sense of humor will understand. Second, the part of the application that you’re referring to wen applying for jobs is actually a really good thing. It is anonymous and it’s a way for the government to keep track of how employers are making their decisions, to make sure that there are no discriminations. So it serves exactly the opposite purpose that you thought. I’m Italian and I’ve living in London for less than a year myself. London is definitely not a city for everyone. Personally I still have days where I wonder if this crazy huge monster of a city is for me, but through all the hard times so far my answer was YES: I’m having the time of my life and I’ve never felt this alive before! Good luck with the job hunt. V.

      • Valentina

        Ops damn auto correct. *when *lived

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

    • Federica

      Don’t know why you have all this hate. The situation just seems so unreal. And you’re generalizing “fai di un’erba un fascio”, using with no reason the word xenophobia!!! I’ve got several friends who went to live there and did find a job without any problem or “xenophobic” behaviour. Otherwise, why would london be full of italians?! That’s why I don’t like it, as a city to live in. Too many italians or foreigners, I want ENGLISH PEOPLE.
      I’ve been accepted is a UK university and all the people have been extremely nice to me, teachers and staff, way more than people here.
      I’ve never felt “discriminated” in the uk.

      This article describes the “italiano medio” but luckly we’re not all like these!
      But yes, Italy is full of people who act and think like this. But you’ve gotta say Northerners are quite different, “cold, sad, a bit like Germans” as said by a teacher in Spain. I’ve lived abroad and met people from many different countries and of course from Italy too; I gotta say that sometimes I prefer staying with foregneirs than italians. I would definitely choose London, Liverpool, Munich or any other city in the north over Rome or Naples; just because my personality doesn’t fit with the typical lifestyle of those cities.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

    • sebas77

      well if this is not a troll

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

  • Enrica Sorrentino

    I’m an italian woman that is trying to find work in London, I came from south. I think that this article is an exaggeration, a jumble of dirty words and insults. Here, one of the most civil city in the World, people hear that you’re not english and insult you without reason (It happened to me and my boyfriend), you don’t find a job because you’re like a gipsy for that snob people. A restaurant manager said to my boyfriend who was looking for a waiter job, the only job that you can aspire here although you are graduaded and 1000 times more qualificated than a cully motherland person: “An advice: don’t say in the future that you’re italian”. Is it a shame now? Ridiculous! Ridiculous as the application form that require to applicants sexual orientation, religious orientation, colour of your skin, the most embarrassing thing happened in your life. Things to denounce at UE commission! I’ve never read anything like it before in my Country. I tell you a secret: we are not all the same people, and maybe must to be smart to figure it out. I don’t know where you are from, but I feel the same racism of this very kind british people. Sorry for the grammatical mistakes that for sure I’ve made, I’m trying to learn and integrate myself in another Country, with all the limitis imposed by the stupidity and xenophobia, and this article is a great example of it.

    • straniero

      So you think in Italy it’s easier for a foreigner to land a job? :)

  • Giuseppe Parisi

    Ahahah… “You’re talking about those boorish Southerners; we’re not like that in the North.”

  • Daniele

    so, basically you’re saying that playing the ignorant role, or being really that, pisses italians off? :) well it’s not good news for the “griefer”, especially if he/she’s not playing that role ;)

  • Luca

    If you live in Terracina you cannot describe italians. Try to move in other part of Italy: you will be surprised to how civilised we are. Or maybe that’s not you wanna write of, maybe in Terracina you found the italians you want to write about. Too mainstream to be original. Maybe it’s ok for middle aged northeners who like to think we are wildings, but not for youngsters in the age of globalization. Poor article.

  • SLP

    Haha, very funny indeed! Though I’d like to point out a few things. 1: it seems to me you’ve never been to China or India (though I’ve only heard stories about India). I’ve lived in Shanghai for a year and the driving… urgh! As I’m used to Italy, I thought that nothing could scare or surprise me when it comes to driving but holy shit was I wrong! 2: I hate the cheek kiss. I always skip it, it annoys me a great deal. If someone is offended by my behaviour, “cazzi loro”. 3: I must agree about the food part, as I haven’t found a cuisine that I prefer to the Italian one, though Spanish (from the Basque region) is a very close second. When in China, my roommates were from various different countries and I have seen the worst things possible being done to food. One time a French girl was cutting her “spaghetti” (if you could call them that… let’s not talk about the sauce) and I almost fainted. Even worse, she was using a spoon to eat them! Now, we may be very proud about our cuisine, but at least we’ve got good reason for it! The French are even worse, when it comes to this subject, and I find their food to be generally horrible. 4: I myself am “cold”, “closed-off”, “difficult” and “rude” but I prefer to be described as “doesn’t give a fuck”. 5: When I went to China, I was so happy to get the hell out of Italy but then, after a year, I was happy to be back. After another year back in Italy, I can’t wait to leave again but no way in hell I’m going back to China! As you said, the US is my goal! 6: nothing to add, you basically described me! 7: I’m from Perugia, which is in the exact centre of the country, so, once again, I don’t give a shit.

  • chris

    I am Italian, I have lived abroad for most of my life too, my father is hardcore Italian and all my italian Family have never left Italy. but I am more open, maybe it’s my generation or my exposure to other nationalities and my curiosity. I have traveled Asia, new Zealand, Australia, USA, ENgland,Europe, I can tell you, Asian people are also very serious about their FOOD. especially Koreans, japanese, thai people. I mean they are also like us Italians
    don’t fuck with their food. they are very passionate. I think any homogeneous society is the same. seriously.

  • cris

    Who the fuck are u? How YOU DARE? where are U from? Northern idaho?

    • Apprentisorcier

      How does she dare doing what? Taking the piss at a country she probably loves and is also part of in many ways? Relax: this is a bit pungent, but you know that most of it is true.

  • FLG

    I’m Italian, and I find this article (?) full of stereotypes and quite offensive all over. Eva, dear, I guess being offensive is the only way you can get your trash read and spread by the public. Get the fuck out of Italy, we don’t want you there.

    • Apprentisorcier

      Relax, darling, this is satire, and it actually rings true to my (very) Italian ears.

  • Leonardo

    Hilarious! I would also add: DO NOT mix any other food in the same dish where you serve pasta. I live in France and whenever they serve meat in the same dish with pasta, all covered with their “special” sauces I REALLY get pissed :D

  • Apprentisorcier

    Hi, random person: a single anecdote from your personal experience doesn’t make a rule. Although there clearly are some rules that are universally disrespected (particularly in some places: e.g. in Milan where there’s severe shortage of parking, people routinely park on pavements – (mostly) as long as that doesn’t block pedestrians), most of the times people actually do respect the rules (particularly right of way, traffic lights, etc.).

  • eliosh

    “Just try telling an Italian that Italy isn’t the best country in the world.”
    Please, come in southern italy and you’ll find sooo much people answering. “True story.” ;-)

  • Ester

    I’m Italian, I’m from the North and I TOTALLY confirm everything you said.
    I almost died laughing! :’D

  • verax

    Haha this article is so damn true and has lots of well made points. I am Italian and I have been leaving abroad for the past 4 years but it wasn’t until I got an American boyfriend (the one kind that adds chicken, mais, cheddar and bbq sauce to a simple pasta al pomodoro-don’t tell my dad), that I realize how touchy and proud we are. I remember having the same conversation that you described in your article about ‘mexican food’ and about him being ‘cold’ and ‘rude’ for not answering my provocations. I am 25 and I lived in 4 different countries in the past four years, yet I hadn’t have Thai, Mexican, Indian and Ethiopian until I met my boyfirend. My parents back home still refuse to get Japanese sushi and the explanataion to that is ‘Italian food is the most various and complete, Why should I spend my money on row fish when I can get for the same price pasta ai frutti di mare and fritto misto?’. Being Italian to me this explanation makes complete sense, even though at this point I’d rather experiment something new and different. All these aspects of the Italian temper that you described are so true, and you can realize it after leaving away from the patria for a while, but now that my ‘while’ has become ‘a long time’, I wouldn’t renounce to some of them for nothing on earth because that’s what makes me feel different than the majority of people around me and also funnily proud of my origins.

  • Mımı

    Thank you for thıs artıcle. Turkey ıs thankıng you for revealıng the truth. Italıans are good. But not the best. Forza Italıa, you are on the good way…

  • Luca De Angelis

    ahahah totally agree about food. yeah.. our food is the best in the world! :D and yes.. don’t touch our patria, though we just need to come out from this crisis. ;) nice article!

  • ro

    you just pissed me off. ahahaha joke.

  • sebas77

    we are certainly not proud of our politicians

  • Alan

    Lol @ americans talking about patriotism and love for one’s country as a negative trait. you really crack me up.
    that said, it is a pretty humoristic and stereotypical view of Italy and Italy’s inhabitants. cheers.

  • Miccia

    that’s racist u.u

  • Cristian Marletta

    Camembert with mussel stew? are you serious? Camembert is not even an Italian cheese.

    I wonder if it’s “cheese” at all.

  • Davide Calliera

    Totally true!

  • TotallyWaistedCorsets

    hahah, One time, I made my Nonna’s sugo for a friend who had “ethical” issues with veal, and to be polite, I took it out of the recipe. The guilt was too much to bear.

  • Emanuele Bonesso

    Stereotypes talk about people it is supposed they want to describe or about people that write them?

  • Emanuele Bonesso

    Do stereotypes talk about people it is supposed they want to describe or about people that write them? Anyway you piss me off!!! ;-)

  • Jena

    Great! now I know in which site I must go if I need shit in my pc.

  • Francesco D’Arcangeli

    Funny indeed and partly true.
    However I would never yell at someone who cuts pasta, I mean, getting angry at phisycally challenged people is bad manners.
    Also, the bacetto is dwindling, especially in the north and especially among males. and under 30s in general.
    But don’t you dare skip the bacetto with relatives…

  • FAVV

    this article is full of pretentious judgments.
    stop complaining or just leave the country

  • Lexie

    I always say that Italy is a great place to visit, but not to live in.

    And I am just being honest, sincere and by no means mean or disrespectful towards my own country. It is just the way it is.

    And I do am a translator, so, as many people say, we are patriots when we are abroad and xenophilists (is that even a word?!) when we are at home. Well, this is also true. All the situations you described in the article are absolutely right and not even that much exaggerated, to be honest!

    One of my stories? I have lived for one year in London, for my Erasmus exchange. I have a thing for London and the UK, so I was in heaven. One of the thing I got easily accustomed was the amount of times English people say ‘thank you’…at first it was a bit strange, but I soon started doing it myself unconsciously so that when my friends came visit me they told me “Why the hell do you always say thank you?!”. Well, when I finished my Erasmus and got back, I was at the airport in Rome Fiumicino, waiting in line for passport check and I had a million things in my hands (you know, just had to pack an entire year worth of stuff in not-enough cases) and I was struggling a bit and I didn’t want to stop the queue and make the people behind me wait. So I gave him my passport and when he returned it to me I was once again struggling to put it back in my bag, and the policeman said something like “fai con calma”(aka don’t worry, take it easy), so I answered “Thank you”(in Italian) and he looked at me and laughed. laughed. I am not joking, he laughed at me and he turned to his colleague and told him the incredible story of the girl who thanked him. Now, it may seem nothing, but come on, I thanked him, for heaven’s sake! He was so shocked, like I had clearly been away for much too long, I had forgotten how to behave!

    Well, all this to say that yes, you are absolutely right about everything! And when my roommate tried to cook in a frying pan(!!!) the short pasta he intended to season with Bolognese sauce(!!!!!), and then decided that since he didn’t like parmisan cheese he would instead slice some brie and add some barbeque sauce on top of his (now gone) Bolognese pasta…I just had to leave the room. I had to.
    :)

  • http://rlogiacco.blogspot.com/ Roberto

    You are not only insulting the people living around you, not only insulting my country, my culture and my traditions, but you are doing it in a pretentious way.

    Your bitching about my country doesn’t deserve any reply deeper or longer than this.
    Go back where people get killed with an injection and please, never come back.

  • Helen Sini

    Hilarious and right on the mark.

  • Helen Sini

    Oh Lordy, the food! I am an American married to an Italian living in Italy and although my husband is very curious about tasting “ethnic” dishes, he will frequently come out with some comment like “Sweet & sour chicken? Ma la morte sua è arrosto!” (Basically, he’s saying that the orthodox way of cooking a chicken is roasting it. Period.) Every food has its “correct” way of being cooked and presented. At the beginning, filling the bill was a tall order. Even my children, if something turned out particularly well, would say “This is good! Did Nonna make it?” Nowadays, DH will say “It took her 20 years, but she has learned how to cook.” Sigh.

  • Kiri

    What kind of Italian have you ever met? O_o Clichès. Clichès everywhere. The only thing I found to be true is the one regarding the traffic (men we are terrible) and the one proclaiming that we hate to wait. Seriously…does anyone here enjoy waiting in line? XD All the rest is a bit far-fetched and a generalization.

  • Maria MerMer Monno

    Saying something negative about Italy makes Italian furious? NOT AT ALL! We get furious when people abroad greet us with “mafiosi” or “Berlusconi” 2 secs after meeting us, that is true, as if I were a mafioso or a Berlusconi myself! That makes us furious, and believe me, it happens every f****** time I meet people abroad. It is really upsetting. It is obvious that after 100 times you get this kind of treatment you start to be susceptible. :) Otherwise, we are really critical about our country, except for the food :D

    Secondly, I don’t know which Italians you have been meeting but saying “you are getting fatter” or criticizing one’s clothes is everything but normal in Italy…. it is extremely rude unless you are in a really deep friendship with the person. It is true we are more transparent in matters of relationships and sexuality than many other cultures, but we are not allowed to make criticism of others’ lives, believe me :)

    Apart from those little things I don’t agree with, it was a very nice post, it made me laugh a lot. Good job :)

  • saveAMERICAfromTHEnutters

    In the last 100 years the brain drain of smart Italians away from the homeland they love has been massive. The gene pool is faltering and it is most obvious when you look at Italian ‘officialdom’. Unless you have a family connection there is NO opportunity in Italy. The government is corrupt on every level, the university system is in a shambles, the school system (other than early to the 5th) is collapsing and even now the greatest Mozzarella in the world is made from animals that feed over toxic waste dumps, the olive oil is blended with imported oil and the best vineyards are mixing cheap grapes from outside Italy to increase yields… lets not talk about the justice system. Made In Italy now only means that the Chinese sweat shop is located in Prato not China. These are of course generalizations but very truthful ones. Every educated Italian I know wants their sons and daughters to learn English so they might have a chance of chasing their dream somewhere else in the world as they see Italy’s future as very dark. It is such a shame because Italy has everything necessary to make it almost perfect. I love Italy and will continue to hope that serious change will happen.

  • irene bianchi

    I tried to eat mexican food living 7 years in Mexico….Believe me italian food is the best. Basically the ingredients are the same but mexicans just have no idea how to cooking, an example: chevice is a dish with fish, tomatoes and onion, what they put? cilandro (coriandolo) that obviusly cover the delicate fish taste. Even if the meat is good they ruin it putting any kind of vomit salsa on the top! No way they just can’t do it. It’s a shame.

  • Valentina

    That’s hilarious ;)

  • Pajero

    just one thing: “carbonara” stands for “pasta with eggs and cheek lard”. there’s no other way to call it, and it means only that. it’s not a generic name for various pasta recipes, so if you ever cook pasta with mushrooms and cheese, it’s just another thing.
    will you ever call a car “motorbike”?

    actually this particular “carbonara” example is just wrong.

  • Gabriele Carboni

    indeed

  • Silvinha

    I’m an italian girl living in Brazil, and that’s all true!!! Lol!!!
    You should take a look at the “How to piss of a brazilian” they’re fighting over each other in an impolite way, worse than in here. Xoxo

  • FlaG

    “…The next day, he thanked me for the recipe. I was pleased…until he told me he’d added chicken, corn, and cheddar cheese to the sauce. ”

    HE FUCKING WHAT!??!?! Even as a half-Italian I can tell you this hurts. Like the time I had a potluck dinner party with my housemates and some of their friends and one of them brought in a pasta bake dish with tuna in it. I had to force back the tears of righteous indignation.

  • Keith

    I live in Sicily, you hit the nail on the head!

  • Carlotta

    So true!!! I sent it to all my non-Italian friend, now they will understand why.. :-D

  • toni

    “I’d like to think of the Italian people as an intriguing blend of laziness and impatience.” REALLY? Our culture is one for — and of — the ages. STUDY HISTORY, YOU DOLT, BEFORE YOU INSULT AN ENTIRE GROUP OF PROUD, HARDWORKING PEOPLE ON WHOSE BACKS THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT. Your entire article is baseless and denigrating

  • ANKEL

    A TERRACINA CO O FURGON

  • E

    It’s not the experiments with food that piss off Italians but the misuse of the ‘made in Italy’ brand. You are free to eat all the frankestein food you want (de gustibus non est disputandum) but we get really irritated by the commercialization of these products under the umbrella of the brand. What they do is as misleading as false advertising.

  • Stephen Taylor

    You’re so very American. That’s why you can look at other countries feeling better than them and that’s why you can’t understand the rules of civilized food. How to piss off an American? Tell him/her s/he is always eating rubbish: it’s true but s/he cannot afford it nor understand it. C’est la vie.

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