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I do believe this calls for a celebratory drink. Or seven. Photo by Alexis O'Toole.

Finally.

BLOWFISH, AN OVER-THE-COUNTER Alka-Seltzer-y hangover-cure cocktail contains 1,000mg of aspirin, 120mg of caffeine, and a stomach-soothing agent.

As if your hungover self really cares what’s in it.

“Back in the day,” as this 24-year-old writer likes to say, I couldn’t get a hangover if I wanted to. I played power hour with shots of SoCo. I held regular Everclear tasting parties. I mainlined moonshine while doing a keg stand and chased it all with an Arbor Mist.

Well, maybe my memory is a little fuzzy, but you get the point: I went to college.

But somewhere around my junior year I started to feel it. The hangover from hell that I’d always heard about, where a bright, sunny day becomes a blistering inferno of displeasure and the sound of a mouse hiccuping would send me into a downward depression. So yeah, I am pretty jazzed up about the fact that the Food and Drug Administration has finally given their seal of approval for a dissolvable Get Out of Hangover Free Card.

Well, not free. It’s $2.99 or $11.99 for a six-pack. And if you live in Manhattan, Blowfish will even deliver you one in less than 24 hours via courier. But 15 to 30 minutes after downing this sucker, they say your hangover “symptoms” should be gone. And I like the fact that this is to be taken the morning after drinking, so it’s clear as to whether or not you need it, and not an excuse to say “Well, I better get my money’s worth for this thing! [GULP]”

Just think, five years from now, college kids will tell you, “Oh, bro, you used to get hangovers, right? What was that like?”

Worse than dial-up, young Padawan.

Drink

 

About The Author

Jason Wire

Jason Wire graduated from Vanderbilt University in 2010 and spent the year after writing and teaching English in Spain. He's back in the states now, but doesn't know where. Follow him @wirejr.

  • http://www.sweeneysays.com Sweeney

    “Worse than dial-up, young Padawan.”

    Ha! But true… so true…

  • Lyle

    Just because the FDA approved it doesn’t mean it is anything towards
    being effective at staving off hangover symptoms. That claim was
    probably made by the purveyor of said “cure.” The FDA only makes sure
    that it’s safe or not for consumers.

    In this “cure” are most of the things you typically are advised not to
    take when drinking large amounts: aspirin, which unnecessarily thins out
    the blood and can lead to liver damage and stomach ulcers when alcohol
    is present; caffeine, which along with being a diuretic, is anxiety
    inducing, thereby being doubly ineffective; and a stomach soothing
    agent? Well that might be ok.

    I have to say, however, that I’ve used Alka-Seltzer for hangovers
    before, and it typically helps some with stomach discomfort and slight
    headache removal. However, it should be noted that the only difference
    in these two products is the caffeine. Caffeine is probably the worst
    thing for hangovers, so I can’t imagine this product being anything but
    another entry in a long line of gimmicks.

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