The Girlfriends' Guide to Fenway Park

If you are a girl and your boy is a die-hard Red Sox fan, there is only one thing you can do: get on the bandwagon. You need to know about 2004. And 2007. And maybe the Curse of the Bambino and No, No, Nanette. But that will only get you extra points. And please, please, never mention the Drew Barrymore movie Fever Pitch.

Start reading Bill Simmons on ESPN. He will teach you everything you ever wanted (and didn’t want) to know about the Boston Red Sox. I have thoroughly enjoyed taking a trip through his dirty, witty, insightful mind when it comes to sports and all things reality TV. Plus, he loves watching everything on television and his podcasts are great — listen to the ones featuring Adam Corolla and Pedif-Isle.

Love the Youk. Kevin Youkilis fucking rocks. There is nothing more to say. I can still hear the cheers of “Youk, Youk, Youk” wherever I go. Just ask about the Youk.

Take your son here, or your daughter, if she swings that way. Fenway Park is one of the best parks ever. Ever. How can you deny the great sausage, onion, and pepper combo that is only at Fenway? Not to mention Pesky’s Pole, the Green Monster, and the Citgo. Fuck yeah. The best baseball park ever.

Know your players. I just waited on JD Drew and Gonzalez. Do you think I knew what that meant? Of course I fucking did. I knew that JD Drew couldn’t swing out of his ass and six million dollars couldn’t make Gonzalez do it either. Girls: you have to know what is going on! By the way, I still love Dustin Pedroia and so should you.

Get familiar with Big Papi. My dad is in a love/hate relationship with Big Papi. Why? Because my dad is a Minnesota Twins fan that believed David Ortiz was the real deal before he allegedly started using performance enhancers. Then he enabled the Red Sox to take the title in 2004. If you want to seem smart, bring up Big Papi, and question what the fuck he is still doing as a designated hitter with the Red Sox.