Seattle.

We loathe the constant comparisons between Portland and our larger northern neighbor. And what’s to compare, really? Seattle is a metropolitan jungle with major tourist attractions and large skyscrapers. And less friendly people — like Frasier. Portland just feels like a big cozy town with lots of good food, beer, and greenery, among some weird things like Stark Vacuum Museum. We may not have the Space Needle, but our bike-friendly roadways and overall low key vibes separate us from Seattle by a long shot.

Portlandia.

“It ruined our city,” you’ll hear many a Portlander bemoan. Most likely, these are the same folks who wait in two-hour brunch lines and inquire servers on the breeding history of that chicken they’re about to order.

The old “you go” met with “no, you go” charade at intersections.

In Oregon we are told that drivers yield to whoever arrives first at an intersection. Yet somehow Portlanders often forget this. And then end up in this ridiculous back and forth hand banter that could be avoided if people just followed the darn road rules.

Traffic.

More and more people are moving here, which also means more vehicles clogging up space, making Portland feel like some sprawling wasteland of a city. Which is why people like to reminisce about the good old days, circa ten years ago, when you could breeze across town at 3:00pm no problem. Those days are never coming back.

Californians.

Those damn Californians trying to make our city the next San Francisco. They come here thinking they’re all above everybody and drive up housing prices. They cut you off on the road. They’re too happy. Yeah, yeah. Funny how more than half the people who utter these complaints are transplants themselves. Or, even stranger, transplants from the Golden state.

Our soaring rent and housing prices.

Unfortunately, this is what happens when you live in a desirable location. That cheap deal you once got for a room in the Alberta District doesn’t exist anymore. Just like that street once ridden with drugs and prostitution is now a food cart pod.

Condos Galore.

In order to accommodate all the yuppies moving here from who knows where, condos are being built. Besides being an eyesore, the construction involved in the creation of said condos results in even more traffic. Many a beautiful historical building has been sacrificed to greedy housing development. Don’t even get us started on the Frederick V. Holman House.

Hipsters.

We love hating on hipsters. But we also love third wave coffee.

No air conditioning in summer.

We complain most of the year about lack of vitamin D, and then July rolls around. Hooray, finally some sunshine! Only most Portlanders don’t have air conditioning. And the last few summers here have been sweltering. So basically we’re screwed either way.

Drivers who don’t share the road with cyclists.

It seems that just because motorists have their big ass vehicle they also think they own the road. Well guess what, a*#hole… cyclists have road rights too, so let’s just try and coexist peacefully. Even if you’re secretly scowling at us from behind the wheel.

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