10 Ways To Make a New Yorker Whine
1. Say you only accept cash.
Us New Yorkers don’t walk around with lots of cash. We don’t need to. Credit cards are accepted almost everywhere, including in our cabs and at our food trucks. We’re a little stumped and pissed off when a restaurant, or any store for that matter, is cash only.
2. Ask us to take you to visit Times Square.
Time Square is exciting for tourists. For New Yorkers, it’s hell. There are too many people wandering around with no purpose or clear direction. We get it, there are lots of things to look at, from the Naked Cowboy to the huge advertisements in lights. We’ve just seen it all before and don’t want to have to wind through the thousands of people who suddenly stop to look up.
3. Pay less than we do in rent.
What New Yorkers pay in rent for a small apartment would likely pay for a house mortgage in most places. We don’t like it, but it is the price we pay to live here. And, by the way, we openly talk about how much we pay each month. It’s a little like sports scores for us.
4. Mention UN General Assembly Week.
When the UN comes to town, traffic stops on the east side of Manhattan. Visiting dignitaries gather at the UN and security is tight. The UN is on 42nd and 1st Avenue, but the streets are closed for many blocks north, south and west of the area, causing gridlock throughout the city and making it impossible to get anywhere quickly.
5. Don’t pick up after your dog.
Sometimes it seems like there are as many dogs living in New York as people. The friendly pups are in the dog runs in the parks, walking down sidewalks, and patiently waiting outside stores for their humans to retrieve them. Dogs are great, except for when their owners don’t pick up after them. Steaming piles are left for an unsuspecting pedestrian and no local likes that surprise.
6. Serve up bad pizza.
There is no excuse for bad pizza in New York City. None. The crust has to be crispy (New Yorkers fold their pizza, by the way) and the sauce can’t be super sweet. Traditional pizza restaurants, like Patsy’s or John’s and new comers like Motorino, are getting it right. Bad, limp pizza is a crime against New York.
7. Serve us old, watery or burnt coffee.
We live on coffee here and we have standards. Don’t talk to us in the morning until we’ve had some quality joe. That’s true sometimes in the afternoon too.
8. Help make our local joint popular.
We have favorite restaurants, bars, and stores, which we frequent in our ‘hood. They are the hidden, neighborhood gems with no line to get in. Then some misinformed person writes about it, or films a movie there, and suddenly there’s a line. We sadly move on to a new place, until that too is “discovered.”
9. Pass by us in an available cab and don’t stop.
Trying to get a cab during rush hour or when it’s raining can be a herculean feat. For some unknown reason, the taxi shifts change right about the same time as rush hour, so the number of “Off Duty” cabs is maddeningly high. They go by you as you beg them to stop. Don’t think Uber is the solution at this time, unless money is no object. Rush hour is prime time for surge pricing. Inevitably, when you’ve been waiting and waiting for a cab, you’ll see one and someone, a block ahead of you, will jump out and take the cab. Swear words are appropriate.
10. Stand in front of subway doors.
When the doors to a subway car open, you have to move aside to let people on and off. It doesn’t matter if you are on the train or waiting on the platform, just move out of the way. When people don’t, no one can get on or off the train. You’ll probably hear slightly less-than-polite comments to “move out of the way”.