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13 things French people say when they’re pissed

1. You’re covering me with shit! (Tu m’emmerdes!).

2. Go and cook yourself an egg (Va te faire cuire un œuf).

We’d like you to get lost, but we don’t want you to starve.

3. You’re shitting me off! (Tu me fais chier!).

English-speakers get pissed off, we get shat off.

4. I care about it like I care about my very first shirt (Je m’en fous comme de ma première chemise).

That’s what you dare not say when your in-laws ask “would you like to see our holiday slides?”

5. I’m getting swollen by this (Ça me gonfle).

Half way into the slide show.

6. Is my ass made of chicken? (Et mon cul, c’est du poulet?).

Do not answer this question. Bow your head in forgiveness for the lies you’ve been telling or run very fast.

7. I’m going to ring their bells (Je vais lui sonner les cloches).

You’ll be yelled at so hard that all you’ll hear is a heavy ringing in your ears.

8. Don’t push grandma in stinging nettle (Faut pas pousser mémé dans les orties).

You’re going way too far.

9. We did not look after the pigs together (On a pas gardé les cochons ensemble).

So don’t take any liberties with me, will ya?

10. It’s hanging at the tip of your nose (ça te pend au bout du nez).

You’re gonna get slapped.

11. Do I ask you if your grandma bikes? (Est-ce que je te demande si ta grand-mère fait du vélo?).

Mind your own damn business.

12. It makes my leg look so pretty (ça me fait une belle jambe).

13. Mustard is coming up my nose! (La moutarde me monte au nez).

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