1. You correctly pronounce it “coloRADo.”
Erebody else be all “coloRODo.” Who’s Rod?
2. You’re not morbidly obese.
What the hell rest-of-America? Eat a salad and take a walk for crying out loud.
3. You keep your Sorels next to your Chacos.
A foot of snow one day, 60 degrees and sunny the next. Go ahead, put your boots “away for the season,” we dare ya!
4. You don’t have a “Native” bumper sticker.
Because those are just lame. Besides, we all know Colorado’s real natives are Utes.
5. You do have a “I tele ♥land” bumper sticker.
Loveland rocks and everyone should know you drop knees, not bombs.
6. Something bad has happened to you on I-70.
Flat tire. Accident. Crazy traffic. Stuck overnight at Floyd Hill. Stuck overnight on the wrong side of Vail Pass. Stuck overnight…you get the picture.
7. It will always be Mile High Stadium.
You don’t care what Johnny Come Lately is sponsoring the stadium where the Broncos win, because it will always — always! — be plain old Mile High to you.
8. You remember when CU had a football team.
And they were good! Remember Rashaan Salaam and, um, that one dude who was also a pro skier?
9. You’re not registered with a political party.
Democrats and Republicans are the worst. You’re sorta Libertarian with a streak of Green Party, but, mostly, you just hate party politics and vote for the best candidate.
10. You don’t really care that pot is legal now.
Was it illegal before? Hard to tell. It’s nice and all, but you have, like, 20 friends from high school who grow in Nederland (not to mention your uncle in Paonia), so, yeah, no biggie.
11. You can always find room in your beer cooler for some Coors Light.
Sure you can pick a double IPA from a regular IPA in a blind taste test, but, damn, if the Silver Bullet doesn’t hit the spot on a sunny day.
12. You taught ski school for a few winters.
It’s just so hard not to! And, no, it wasn’t at all like Aspen Extreme (except for that one time when you had to win a ski race to prove your worth to a girl and save your best friend from drug addiction).
13. You’ve spent more time at A-Basin’s Beach than any actual beach.
Cold beers, hot sun, and t-shirt skiing — you know there’s no better beach than the one at 10,000 feet on the side of Highway 6.
14. You own nine fishing rods, six bikes, five pairs of skis, three snowmobiles, two different kinds of footwear for every activity, one raft, and zero neckties.
What is this — the Renaissance? Should we all buy powdered wigs and monocles while we’re at it? Where you’re from, ski pants, bike shorts, and Carhartts are work attire.
15. You don’t keep count of how many “14ers” you’ve summitted.
That’s what tourists do.
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