1. Your over-usage of the term ‘fourteener’ makes us wonder if you even own a tent.
2. You mostly ski/ride at Keystone because the A51 park is ‘off the hook’!
Please stay there, because I don’t want to wait any longer for my seat in the Ridge Cat.
3. “I went on a cool hike today.” “Where at?” “The Trading Post Trail.”
4. The term ‘Helicopter Dive’ means nothing to you.
5. You don’t have an extra layer with you when leaving the house.
Or the ability to remove a layer. Or a pair of Chacos/Birks/other strap sandals on the floor in the back of your car.
6. You’re wearing swim trunks with a Colorado flag logo on them.
Might as well get that tattooed on you, bro!
7. You’re wearing blue at Coors Field.
Sorry pal, but the Cubs jersey is a dead giveaway.
8. You ask ‘At what elevation do the sheep turn into mountain goats?’
9. You ask ‘Where do you put the moguls in the summer?’
10. You’re riding our ass in the left lane when we’re going faster than the traffic in the next lane over.
You’re visibly upset, but I don’t really care — I’m not going to move over until I’m past this line of traffic on the right. In fact, I’ll just slow down a bit.
11. The number of peaks you’ve ‘bagged’ is becoming a bragging right, something you bring up early in a conversation about the outdoors.
It’s almost like you’re trying to make up for something. Maybe lost time?
12. You’re wearing a black Jansport backpack.
That might work for stowing underneath the seat in front of you but please don’t bring it anywhere outside of metro Denver.
13. When you meet someone at a bar, one of the first questions you ask them is ‘How do you like it here?’
14. You put image and name brand first, utility second.
As weird as it might sound, the people who are from here don’t look like those in the advertisements you see for the Colorado outdoors.
15. You live in Denver and have a beard.
What’s the name of your band, again?
16. And your knowledge of the state doesn’t extend much past The Highlands and Rino.
Wait, do you mean the Northside?