Travelers to France beware! These expressions are not for the faint-hearted and are provided here so you can know if you’re accidentally saying the wrong thing, or if you’re being talked to inappropriately. Also, they are a lot of fun!

1. The French don’t say that someone is “unpleasant”… they say they are “badly fucked” (Être mal baisé).

2. The French don’t say “I can do it with next to no equipment”… they say “I can do it with my dick and my knife” (Avec ma bite et mon couteau).

3. The French don’t say “I need to use the bathroom”… they say “there’s a rush at the small gate” (Ça se bouscule au portillon).

4. The French don’t say “I’m cold”… they say “I’m peeling my own bell end” (Se peler le jonc).

5. The French won’t say you’re “rude and ignorant”… they’ll say you’re “an ass-comb” (Un peigne-cul).

6. The French won’t say that you’re “making a scene”… they’ll say you’re having a “nervous poop” (Faire un caca nerveux).

7. The French don’t say that “a woman is busty”… they say that “there’s a crowd on the balcony” (Il y a du monde au balcon).

8. The French don’t say that “you made a stupid mistake”… they say “you shat in the glue” (Chier dans la colle).

9. The French won’t say “I passed gas”… they’ll say “I dropped a crate” (J’ai lâché une caisse).

10. The French don’t say that they had “good sex”… they say that “they took their own foot” (Prendre son pied).

11. The French don’t say that “you’re nit-picking”… they say that “you’re a fly sodomizer” (Enculeur de mouche).

12. The French won’t say that you have “intense sexual desire”… they say that “your ass is on fire” (Avoir le feu au cul).

13. The French don’t say something is “badly done”… they say that it’s a “bite-me-the-bell-end job” (À la mords-moi le noeud).

14. French men don’t “masturbate”… they “tickle their leek” (Se chatouiller le poireau).

15. The French don’t say “it’s expensive”… they say “it costs as much as ass skin” (Ça coûte la peau du cul).

16. The French don’t “kiss with the tongue”… they “spin a shovel to someone” (Rouler une pelle à quelqu’un).

17. The French don’t say “You’re lying to me”… they say “Is my ass made of chicken?” (Et mon cul, c’est du poulet?).