20 Things You’ll Never Hear a Puerto Rican Say

1. “I don’t dance any salsa or merengue. I just remain seated when I go to a party.”

2. “The beach is boring. It’s not part of any of my life’s most important stories.”

3. “I’ve never cheered when a plane landed.”

4. “Yesterday I went out and just drank one beer, as promised.”

5. “I detest tropical fruits.”

6. “Any coffee is better than Puerto Rican coffee.”

7. “I don’t like flip-flops. I’ve never worn them.”

8. “Puerto Rico has terrible weather.”

9. “I remain seated and quietly watch boxing when a Puerto Rican is in a match.”

10. “Rice and beans? Never had them.”

11. “Our basketball team is good, but not that good. We once won the U.S. Dream Team, but that doesn’t mean anything.”

12. “I am never late.”

13. “I have a very small family.”

14. “I don’t know what cuchifritos are. I don’t eat anything fried.”

15. “I have never discussed the political status of Puerto Rico.”

16. “It doesn’t matter if you cook without sauce or garlic.”

17. “I have no family ‘outside’ the main island.”

18. “What is reggaeton?”

19. “I have never missed my mom’s food. I’ve even tasted better.”

20. “I could have been anyone else in the world besides a Puerto Rican.”