You just don’t get all the hype about Oregon. Craft beer taps at gas stations? Bicycle valets? Vegan Free-Range Christmas Trees? You’ve seen Portlandia, you know what goes on here, and you don’t want to put a bird on it. Here’s a few more reasons we should all just avoid Oregon from now on.

1. It’s a crater. And a lake. You just don’t get the appeal.

2. You don’t trust people with tattoos.

3. You’ve already seen a waterfall before. Jeesh.

4. You really prefer Coors Light.

5. You felt nothing at the end of The Goonies.

6. You bought into all that hype about beards being dirty.

7. You know what surfing looks like and this is not it.

8. Green is your least favourite color.

9. You’re just not a wine person.

10. Doughnuts are not a canvas, people.

11. You don’t “get” coffee culture.

12. The stars are just kinda over the top when you think about it.

13. The painted hills don’t look very “painted” to you.

14. You’re certain that Farmers’ Markets are for hippies.

15. Fog gives you the creeps.

16. You really just prefer calmer, flatter landscapes.

17. Nope, that’s too flat.

18. You don’t “do” snow.

19. You’re all for tulips but this is just overkill.

20. The sun sets everyday, there’s nothing special about it.

21. You really can’t imagine what you’d do if it rained.