Photo: Madeline Garrett/Shutterstock

5 Superpowers You Gain From Living in California

by Andrew Lewandowski Sep 22, 2016

1. The ability to tap into limitless patience

California life moves slow. Maybe it’s the year-round sunshine, or maybe there’s something in the water, but one thing is certain, newcomers will quickly realize waiting is a part of life on the Golden Coast. At first your emotions will range from annoyance at the overly chatty barista who took 10 minutes to make your latte, to seething rage at the 45 minutes it took you to drive 7 miles. Until one day, you are struck with a wave of California cool — a realization that being late is pro quo and waiting is an opportunity to catch up on your Snapchat game. Your newfound power may take longer to blossom depending on where you hail from, but once the transformation is complete Limitless Patience and an uncanny capability to make the most of waiting time will be yours on demand.

2. The ability to transform into Wine-o-Man

California produces nearly half the wine in the U.S., and living here will expose you to the whole spectrum of wine culture. The moment a native glass of the crimson elixir graces your lips the transformation into a Wine Connoisseur commences. Soon you will be huddled around with fellow wine-o’s swirling and wafting reds, detecting aromas of smoke, black fruits, cappuccino, tar and toasty wood, followed by an expansive, sumptuous texture, with no hard edges, beautifully integrated acidity and tannin, and a long, 35-second finish. Maybe not, but if nothing else you will for sure know that white wine is supposed to be cold, and how to correctly pronounce ‘Pinot Noir’.

3. The ability to tap into Super Foodie strength

California is the birthplace of healthy eating, fads included. You’ll be the first to hear about the latest juice cleanse, charcoal detox and superfood smoothies. The constant exposure to the healthy living obsession in California will leave you feeling like a super foodie in no time.

4. The superhuman ability to detect bad drivers

You drive a lot in California, like a lot, a lot. It is a big spread out state that requires a car for nearly everything. You also spend a tremendous amount of time waiting in your car for other drivers to figure out how to drive. Studies show, year after year, that Southern California has the worst traffic in the country. Some say it has to do with the 3.8 million people who all seem to be on the road at the same time. This writer strongly believes the traffic is due in large part to unqualified drivers behind the wheel. Alas, I digress. The superpower to be gained from driving in California is the ability to detect bad drivers, safely navigate past them, and know when and where to drive!

5. The power to call on your inner Nature Girl

With endless beaches, amazing mountain ranges, waterfalls, giant sequoias, and so many other wonders of nature in California, you’d better have some nice hiking shoes. You won’t be able to contain your urges for long, and before you know it, you’ll be a full-blown, granola loving, nature girl or boy. A bountiful booty and killer calves are two things that you can look forward to while acquiring this California superpower.

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