Be overly friendly.

New Yorkers don’t trust overly friendly people. We assume you want something from us. For the record, we’re usually right. If you need directions, just ask. We’ll happily tell you. But if you approach us with “Hi, how’s your day going?” we’re going to think you want either money, to sell us something or to invite us to join a cult.

Stand patiently on an escalator or moving walkway.

These inventions are designed to move humans from one place to the next quickly. Standing there, waiting for a machine to move you, defeats the purpose. But, if you do feel lazy and stand, please move to the side so the rest of us can walk past you.

Ask us to drive.

Public transportation and cabs get us where we need to go. Besides, most of us don’t own cars.

Go to Times Square for New Year’s Eve.

Ask a New Yorker if they’ll be in Times Square for New Year’s and you’ll get a look of horror. We don’t go. We don’t want to go. We offer Times Square to the tourists for the night.

Not offer delivery.

Having food delivered to our apartment door, whether from the corner diner or a five star restaurant, is a way of life in New York. We also have our groceries, dry cleaning, prescriptions, wine and just about anything else delivered. We don’t understand how anyone lives without it.

Serve an iceberg lettuce salad.

With all the tasty types of greens in this world, serving iceberg lettuce seems cruel. The only time iceberg is ok is when it’s served at a steakhouse, in a wedge with blue cheese and bacon.

Refuse to “do” public transportation.

Millions of New Yorkers rely on buses, trains and subways to get around every day. Telling us you won’t ride the subways or buses confounds us. It is the cheapest and fastest way to travel.