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You Know You're Back Home in Colorado When...

by Tim Wenger Oct 6, 2016

When describing someone that you’re bringing with you, you have to start with ‘Well, he’s kind of a crossover between redneck and hippie.’

There’s just no other way to put it.

You regain confidence in your ability to see through people’s cover-ups.

So, let me get this straight. You came from Indiana, rented an apartment in Aurora, and I met you in line at Cultivate Hydroponics. Oh, you moved here for the mountains?

Sleeping in on the weekends is no longer an option.

Bro, where you headed this weekend? We’re gonna take 285 south to that turn off right before ID-RA-HA-JE. There’s supposed to be some sweet highballs near Staunton but we gotta get there early because the gapers show up by 10.

You instantly remember why you live with sunglasses on.

Altitude and the sun aren’t easy on the eyes. A few days ago I had to pull over and wait while driving west at 6 PM because I couldn’t see a damn thing. Luckily, there was a brewery in the parking lot. It only takes one misstep to promise myself never to leave the house without shades again, even if it’s it cloudy at the moment.

That brewery’s beer is dark, hoppy, and served with head.

No, buddy, this ain’t a Bud Light.

And that first beer hits hard.

Altitude and alcohol are another infamous combination, especially after flying in from sea level.

It’s suddenly hard to maintain proper breathing while being active.

It happens every time. That first workout or day on the mountain after a jaunt away quickly leaves me short of breath.

All of a sudden, you feel significantly overdressed.

I’m a supporter of dressing up a bit to fly, but the moment I hit the concourse at DIA I always feel like the guy that shows up to a happy hour without changing after work.

You have your sense of direction back.

That way is west, I’m sure of that.

Stopped at a red light, you notice every single car around you is made by the same company.

Ok, there’s a Tacoma over there, but the rest. . .

You can’t quite place the accent.

Do Coloradans have an accent? I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I can usually tell if someone is from Colorado.

So many beards everywhere.

In Denver, it’s hip. In the high country, it’s rugged. In between, it’s both.

Everything is either ‘on the front range’ or not.

‘With 11 front range locations.’
Yeah, we’re moving up to the front range.

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