Photo: Alex Vog/Shutterstock

It’s Not an Irish Wedding Unless These 18 Things Happen

Photo: Alex Vog/Shutterstock
Sorcha O'Higgins
Jun 9, 2016

1. It lasts for at least two days because Day 1 is spent building a messy drunken rapport with the other guests and…

2. …Day 2 is for reminiscing with your new friends about the shenanigans that transpired the night before.

3. The passionate hookup of Day 1 will stand awkwardly in the queue for bacon sandwiches on Day 2 and everyone will be gossiping about them.

4. At modern Irish weddings the groom will be photographed downing pints of Guinness with the groomsmen and they’ll all have grown dodgy hipster beards just for the occasion.

5. Every single person meets up in the local pub before the ceremony…

6. …and after the ceremony on the way to the drinks reception.

7. Everyone will moan about how hungry they are because of the length of the drinks reception…

8. …and then sit down to dinner with no appetite because they’re already jarred.

9. A large percentage of the female guests will be sporting streaky and pungent fake tans.

10. “Best” friends that are not best enough to be bridesmaids will be demoted to doing a reading in the church.

11. The mother of the bride will stew in silent Irish Mammy competition with the mother of the groom for the best “mother of” outfit.

12. The priest will be some long-forgotten relative unearthed from the family archive to perform the ceremony…

13. …and then will get the best seat at the table and eat first and be in all of the family photographs like a celebrity even though no one has seen him since he joined the priesthood.

14. The couple’s first dance will be to a Van Morrison song.

15. “Maniac” will definitely be played at some point during the night.

16. And “The Fields of Athenry” will definitely be sung by someone.

17. There’s sure to be at least one medical casualty, usually a girl not being able to walk in the heels that she bought especially for the wedding.

18. There’s lots of umbrellas lying around everywhere for the guaranteed sporadic showers.

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