For every Corvette there was an Edsel. For every Mustang a Pinto. And for every Nissan Pathfinder there was a Pontiac Aztek. Matador examines the open road’s current eyesores.
Ford Focus

photo by car-dealers

A car for the chronically ugly. The Focus has undergone several unfortunate redesigns through the years since its introduction, but like your Aunt Flo and her endless makeovers, Ford hasn’t yet found a cure for its unfortunate appearance. It looks like the car can’t decide if it’s a sensible sedan or a sporty rally car, so it tries to look like both and fails miserably.

Hyundai Matrix

photo by airforceone

Finally, a vehicle for those who find mini-vans too intimidating. The Matrix profile includes a bizarre uneven window line that makes it look like it was pieced together from spare car pieces from the junkyard. It would probably be nicer looking if it had been. The vehicle of choice for retirees and their groceries.

Chrysler PT Cruiser

photo by splattergraphics

You’ve got to hand it to the PT Cruiser. This ugly bastard has been around for a long time and endured years of ridicule for its harebrained, retro-inspired design. Yet, here we are, on the heels of Chrysler declaring bankruptcy, and the Cruiser refuses to go away. If there is a nuclear apocalypse that wipes out all civilization, the only things that will survive will be cockroaches and PT Cruisers.

Ssang Yong Rodius

wikimedia

The Koreans have gotten into the hideous car act with the Rodius. This car has an identity crisis. The front grille looks like a 90’s minivan and the back end, well, I don’t even know what to say. It features an inexplicable diagonal panel that cuts it in half and makes it look like the designer got tired and just plugged the back of an RV onto the Rodius so he could move on to his next triumph.

Smart ForTwo

photo by joshb

Hooray, my car is “smart.” It’s also a source of laughter for every other driver and pedestrian within 100 yards of it. Not only does the ForTwo (see what they did there?) look like a matchbox car, it’s about the size of one and won’t offer much protection in a crash, so not only is it an ugly car but a potentially hideous coffin.

Fiat Doblo

photo by kenjonbro

Perhaps a bit incredulous themselves, Fiat asks what made the 2008 Doblo popular, and lists “reliable technology, thoughtful design, and excellent technology” as the reasons. Thoughtful design? It looks as though they’ve added windows to every available surface of a delivery van.

Mini Clubman

photo by paulmullet

Mini has decided to take the most distinguishing selling point of their Mini Cooper and throw it in the trashcan. They’ve stretched it out, haven’t really made any proportional adjustments, and called it the Clubman. Think of it as the stretch limo of ultra-compact cars, which is sort of like having a Mickey Mouse Rolex.

Toyota Prius

photo by jasonyoder

Yes, by driving a Prius you are minimizing your impact on the environment. This is a good thing. Cruising around in a vehicle with the personality and sex appeal of a dustbuster is not a good thing. Every time I see a Prius I think of the automated transports of old science-fiction flicks like Logan’s Run or Total Recall. This is also (probably) not a good thing.

Morgan Aero 8

photo by destinysagent

After I got done laughing out loud, I decided that the Morgan Aero 8 looked like a cross-eyed basset hound. The best part about this monstrosity is that the base price is just under $130,000. Good news is that with every new Aero purchase they throw in a free monocle and top hat. It’s heartening to know that there are still rich people out there who will ignore a luxury item’s repulsiveness and waste money on it anyway. There is hope for our economy after all.

Fiat Multipla

photo by qewl.com

Possibly based on a tadpole and easily the ugliest car on our list. This car fills the beholder with a combination of pity and rage; pity because no other cars will hang out with the ungainly Multipla, and rage because someone, somewhere made money from this blunder. Holds the distinction of being the only car on the list that needs a nose job.