1. If you’re an Annapolitan, you start the night at the Rooftoop Bar of Metropolitan, end the night at Pusser’s and your late night food of choice is a slice at
Mangia’s. 2. If you’re an Eastporto Rican, you start the night at Davis’, end the night at Davis’ and your late night food of choice is a crab pretzel from Davis’. 3. You have woken up wondering if you’re on a boat or if you’re just hungover. 4. Your annual race is a .05K across the Eastport Bridge and it comes standard with a Bloody Mary from Boatyard Bar and Grill. 5. You still refer to Blackwall Hitch as “Rockfish,” “CougarFish,” or if you want to get fancy, “CougarHitch.” 6. You have lost friends on one of the two floors at ‘Dillos. 7. You have risked running into the kid that you used to babysit at Acme in order to get your hands on those cheesesteak eggrolls. 8. You have rimmed your pint of Natty Boh with Old Bay. 9. You are either a skilled sailor, a skilled snacktician (i.e., you can mix a drink when a boat is on a 90 degree angle to the water), or you are worthless. 10. When a doctor says that he is going to give you painkillers, you look around for a Pusser’s Cup. 11. You know how to use a six pack and a smile to get onto any boat. 12. You have been so drunk at a Crab Feast that you didn’t feel the Old Bay get into your eyes. 13. You have jumped off a boat into the Severn River and gone to the doctor the next morning for an earache or perhaps a third ear. 14. You’ve jumped off of the Eastport Bridge naked. 15. You consider the day that they allowed drinking during kickball games a national holiday. 16. Your favorite form of entertainment is watching snotty yachties try to get a boat docked in Ego Alley. 17. You know how to fall off a dock and play it off so everyone thinks that you did it on purpose and dives in after you. 18. You have waited in line way too long for crabs at Cantler’s. 19. You’ve gotten drunk at the tiki bar while waiting to be seated for crabs at Mike’s. 20. You can do a shot of Fireball, shuck oysters, do another shot of Fireball, pick crabs, and then sit down for breakfast. 21. You know that it is common courtesy to offer the stranger that passed out on your boat after the regatta party a cup of coffee because, let’s face it, next time it could be you and last time it probably was you. 22. If you are an Annapolitan, “the tug” means war. 23. If you are an Eastporto Rican, “the tug” means open containers and good food.
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