I was walking from my office, about two blocks from the White House, to a nearby bar for a happy hour, when I heard a tourist say to her husband, “Want to stop in for a drink?”
“It’s five o’clock somewhere!” he said.
I thought, It’s five o’clock here, you fucking chode. I knew instantly, of course, that he did not live in DC. Residents of the Capital of the Most Powerful Nation on Earth — as Americans call it when they’re trying to flex nuts — do not feel any hesitation towards drinking at any specific time of the day. Certainly not at five o’clock on a Monday. Christ, can you imagine trying to run this country sober? It boggles the mind.