1. The minute I leave town, I throw out every other adult’s rules and routines.

This is my show.

2. I drink alone.

To be fair I’m technically drinking with my kids, but still.

3. I lie about my kid’s age.

Particularly at amusement parks to defeat the “kids must be (whatever) age to ride alone” rules. I also only buy kids’ shoes with thick soles.

4. I hide in the bathroom a lot.

Hotel doors have high locks for a reason — so my kids don’t escape me while I hide from them in the bathroom.

5. I am desperate for adult conversation.

I can’t help but strike up a conversation with waitstaff, people in elevators and whomever chooses to sit next to me in a hotel hot tub.

6. Electronics are my best friend.

I don’t use them all the time but at the end of a long day I’ve been known to rely on an I-anything to entertain my kids.

7. I say “Don’t tell your dad about this” a lot.

8. Bath time happens in the pool.

When traveling solo with your kids, you need to take a few shortcuts okay? A pool is filled with water and chlorine kills all. A quick rinse in the outdoor shower and my kids are ready for bed.

9. I’ve learned the hard way that “kids eat free” doesn’t apply to me.

Seeing as I’m only ordering one adult meal, only one of my kids eats for free.

10. I never sleep alone.

I always book a room with two beds. My kids are supposed to bunk together so I can relax in my own hotel bed. But halfway through the night, I always wake up mysteriously covered in goldfish crackers with at least one sweaty kid stuck to me.

11. I force my kids to make friends with the other solo parented kids so I have someone to hang out with.

12. I do feel guilty when I watch my kids do really cool things because their dad doesn’t get to see them too.

13. It’s straight up painful every time I have to pay a single occupancy supplement fee.

Sure “kids stay and eat free” but one of my kids is being charged the full adult fee at every resort we visit.

14. I don’t intend to ever stop traveling alone with my kids.

And why should I? We’re all having a blast.