1. You refer to the woman who gave birth to you as ‘Mam’.
2. You love pies, pasties, and sausage rolls.
Especially from Greggs.
3. ‘Like’ is kind of your trademarked tagline…
“I’m ready go out me like.”
4. Everyone around you seems to know your business.
Whether it’s neighbours, friends, or work colleagues, word spreads fast in the north. If you have a job interview coming up, you’ll probably find your mother’s best friend asking you what job it’s for… even when you’ve only told your uncle about it.
5. You’re used to speaking slowly or toning your accent down so people can fully understand you.
When you’re in the middle of some anecdote like “Nigh’mare las nigh like, wen out to the pub, fell out with the bird, woke up this mornin’ feelin’ offit and found out I got black bagged,” and suddenly realise you’re getting confused stares from everyone… you know it’s time to slow down mate.
6. You know at least 5 people whose life goal is to work offshore.
7. Your friends don’t have proper names.
They’re either your man or mate.
8. For you, garlic sauce and cheesy chips are necta-like.
9. You know what a ‘Parmo’ (chicken parmesan) is…
And have stated that if it was worldwide, it would be the biggest take-out food there is.
10. Swearing down equals truth.
“I swear down mate, I didn’t kiss her last night.”
11. You go hysterical at the sun showing its face…
And go straight to a beer garden or put shorts on… even if it’s still only five degrees.
12. You are brutally honest and don’t beat around the bush in social situations.
When an obvious comment needs to be said during or after a situation, always trust a Northerner to say it.
Example: “You ain’t pushing in just because you’re pretty. Get to the back of the line!”
13. You know at least one person who has or has had a tribal tattoo.
Yes upper arms and lower backs… we’re looking at you.
14. Your special nights out happen in Newcastle, Leeds, Manchester, or Liverpool.
A hotel for the night, Sambuca, Jägerbomb shots, and takeaway selfies at the end of the night are all necessary elements here.
15. You’re surrounded by football fans, even if you’re not one yourself.
Whether it’s Middlesbrough or Leeds, Newcastle or Sunderland, you know when match day is, when it’s time to go to the pub, and when to arrange a big away day fixture with your mates.
16. You know someone who goes back to the same holiday spot in Spain every year without fail…
And they come back looking orange because their sunbed tan has been topped up by the real sun!
This article was originally published on March 19, 2015
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