1. “Delayed? Oh thank God. I’ve been dying to try that TGI Friday’s in Terminal B.”
  2. “There’s no way the guy who looks at all of these naked X-rays of us is being anything but professional.”
  3. “I always get the best night’s sleep in these airport chairs.”
  4. “What is it about airports that makes kids so chill?”
  5. “Nope. There’s not a single person in this airport who can lend me some Xanax.”
  6. “Do you think anyone loves their job as much as the clerks at the check-in counter?”
  7. “You know, I fly a lot, but I just never really worry about terrorism.”
  8. “TSA just really gets how to treat you like a human being, you know?”
  9. “Hudson News is the only place I buy new books.”
  10. “Love Actually was right. This is the happiest place on earth.”
  11. “Just looking around the waiting area, I can tell: we’re all going to be such good friends after this flight.”
  12. “Even if this flight goes down, at least I spent my last hours here.”
  13. “Could you go a little lighter on the booze, bartender?”
  14. “These souvenirs look so authentic.“
  15. “Man, they’ve just got this entire process down to a science.”
  16. “Honey! Sit down! They’re boarding Zone 1. We’re Zone 3. It’s very bad manners to crowd the gate before your zone is called.”
  17. “I’ll bet those drug sniffing dogs smell way more drugs than crotch sweat.”
  18. “I’m not thrilled about being put on stand-by, but I’m sure the airlines have my best interests at heart.”
  19. “I totally understand why overbooking flights is a thing that’s legal. Hell, in my job, I always sell people products that I don’t actually have.”
  20. “I’m pretty psyched the guy next to me decided to watch Game of Thrones with no headphones. Nothing improves airport ambiance like the sound of a man being disemboweled.”
  21. “It’s such a beautiful cross-section of humanity.”
  22. “Look, I’m sure that guy getting stripped searched was chosen at random. It has nothing to do with his race.”
  23. “Oh, you go first. I’m not in a rush.”
  24. “Man, everyone smells so good here.”
  25. “What is it we’re supposed to do if we see something? They just don’t repeat that advice over the loudspeakers enough.”
  26. “No, I don’t feel like a goddamn high-speed superhero when I’m walking on the moving walkway.”
  27. “Is there anyone more welcoming than an immigration official?”
  28. “Airports are way better sober.”
  29. “The people getting off of this flight look so relaxed.“
  30. “At least I know I’m yelling at the person who’s actually to blame for these delays.”
  31. “That connection really hit the sweet spot: not too close, not too long.”
  32. “Eight dollars for an hour of Wifi? What a deal!”
  33. “Something about airports just makes me less judgmental.”
  34. “I bought the flight just to get at the duty free section.”
  35. “That dude made a terrorism joke in the security line, and everyone was just super chill about it.”
  36. “You know what I love about rolling suitcases? How they never hit my foot while I’m walking and flip over.”
  37. “Worse things have happened.”