1. Insult Jack Daniel’s.
Few things make a Tennessean more proud than getting to tell someone they’re from the state that springs the water of life, the elixir of youth, the best-selling brand of American whiskey in the world — Jack Daniel’s. Sure, not everyone in the world knows where Tennessee is, but everyone knows Mr. Jack. To put it simply, we really love our whiskey.
So if you’re looking to piss off someone from Tennessee, say something along the lines of “Bourbon is just so much better” or “I don’t really see the hype of Jack Daniel’s anyway.”
That’s fine. Keep your shitty Bourbon. I’ll take another Jack on the rocks, please.
2. Use the pickup line “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see.”
Ha. Ha. Ha. Fuck off.
3. Assume we’re all racist rednecks.
Not all of us are a bunch of racist, homophobic, sexist Bible-thumpers who cook bacon off the barrel of our AK47s, yell “Shit yeah!” at any opportunity, and fly confederate flags behind our jacked-up trucks. Believe it or not, the majority of us hate them just as much as the rest of you.
4. Ask if we’ve ever been to a state that doesn’t border Tennessee.
Would you even believe us if we told you that we’ve actually traveled outside of Tennessee — and to more than the 8 bordering states?
5. “So you must really love country, right?”
Just because Tennessee is home to Nashville’s Honky Tonk Highway doesn’t mean we all dig twangy tunes. It’s as if everyone chooses to ignore the fact that Memphis is home to some of the most influential musicians in Blues and early Rock N’ Roll history. There’s W.C. Handy who is thought to have written the first commercially-successful blues song in a Beale Street Bar in Memphis; and to name a few others, Bessie Smith, B.B. King, Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, Muddy Waters, Ike Turner, Jerry Lee Lewis, Aretha Franklin, and Charlie Rich.
Now, ask us about Kenny Chesney one more time.
6. Make fun of our accents.
Why make fun of the word “y’all” when it makes just as much sense as any other contraction? And please, don’t respond to everything we say with “I love you Jen-ay!” Forrest Gump is from Mississippi, so you’re mistaken and you’re a total asshole.
7. Tailgate us.
It doesn’t matter if we fly on the mountain roads and then go 50 mph on the highway. Get off our ass.
I’m looking at you, Georgians.
8. Voice your lack of enthusiasm for the color orange.
We know our team’s colors are hideous. You don’t have to remind us. But hey, at least we’re not the Gators.
9. Remind us that we no longer have the world’s longest pedestrian bridge.
Yeah, yeah. Poughkeepsie, New York took over that in 2009. And yeah, yeah, they built one 4,393-feet longer than the Walnut Street Bridge in Chattanooga. So? At least our bridge is still in the city with the fastest internet in the country. Wait, what? Minneapolis is about to have the fastest home Internet speed in the world? Shit.
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